Using Facebook as a Paid Marketing Tool (FAIL!!!)

Now I would like to say a word about Facebook.

Sucks.

A very interesting thing happened to me this week, and I don’t mean Hurricane Sandy (although that happened to me, too, but this is about another kind of s#!tstorm).

My bangin’ novel Dead Spot has a Facebook page. And according to Facebook’s metrics, Dead Spot‘s page enjoyed 205 views over two days — a 6733.33% increase! (According to Facebook.) Increase over what, Facebook doesn’t say. But even if it’s an increase over, say, 1, on what planet does that math result in 6733% ?

Could Facebook be … exaggerating?

As you probably know by now, Facebook is clawing everyone’s eyes out to buy more product exposure from them. Ads. Likes. Blogs. Greater “reach.” Fake storefronts where you can’t actually sell anything. If there’s an angle to exploit, Facebook is all over it, in the most exasperating ways possible. 6733.33%, my ass.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve got something to sell, and I’d be thrilled to give Facebook some of my money for broader exposure — if Facebook would actually give me some that worked.

Here’s the thing. I was shocked when I got those 205 hits (I usually get 10-15, because Facebook only broadcasts my Dead Spot posts to a fraction of the people who subscribe to it, because Facebook is holding the rest hostage for money. My most recent post was broadcast to — wait for it — 4 people). But I was even more shocked that 205 hits resulted in 0 sales. They didn’t even result in new Likes.

Which brings us back to Facebook wanting to charge fees for delivering more of this sort of traffic. On account of it’s so awesome and all.

According to one report from a marketing company, most users don’t revisit Facebook pages after “Liking” them. The report examined 4,000 Facebook fan pages, and claims the average post reaches only 17 percent of its page’s Likers.

If you want more reach than that, there’s Facebook’s new and completely arbitrary “Promote” scam. It costs up to $100 for a lousy three days of one post appearing in the news feeds of a few more people who actually signed up to receive it, plus a bunch of strangers who could give a crap.

One Facebook page owner who field tested two $5 Promote investments reported some sad results. One post (about a free club meeting) was transmitted to 806 of 2,300 Likers’ news feeds. That’s 35 percent coverage, or twice the unpaid average. The other post (about an event with a cover charge) reached only 484 Liker news feeds, or 21 percent. The page owner doesn’t say whether the promotions enhanced his events’ attendance (wasn’t that the point?). However, he did collect 2 extra page Likes for his trouble. Wow.

When you pay to “promote” your Facebook post, it’s transmitted to (among others who could care less) friends of friends of your friends. Also strangers with whom you share an interest in, say, breathing. And, infuriatingly, never to everyone who clicked Like on your page. The fee is charged upfront to your credit card, and then Facebook proceeds to not tell you how many users will receive your “sponsored” post in their news feeds. Reliable reports claim likes resulting from paid promotion are generated by click farms.

In other words, Facebook paid “promotion” is utterly random and illogical. And useless. Or putting it in marketing terms, a pig in lipstick. It’s why your news feed is skunked up with “sponsored posts” selling diet soap (JUST SHOWER AND LOSE WEIGHT!) and junk that stops ringing in your ears. The only winner is Facebook, who makes $1 million per day doing this to you.

Before Facebook jumped the shark, I looked into their other advertising “opportunities.” They wanted 75¢ per poke for pay-per-click ads. The clicks would result in Facebook Likes (or not, and either way a huge bill for me), but clickmeisters would then have to take the initiative to find my website or Amazon listing to buy the book I’m selling, and historically they don’t even click the handy links in my Facebook posts, much less the ones on my info page nobody can find thanks to Facebook’s brain-damaged site designers. Many clicks and much searching are required just to drive visitors to another website to buy my book, because Facebook won’t let anyone actually sell anything on Facebook. [Earth to Facebook: IT’S CALLED A BUY NOW BUTTON! Jeez.] It wears me out just thinking about it. What’s the point in paying for that?

Got something to sell? Don’t fall for Facebook’s smarmy pitches. “Likes” aren’t worth paying for if they don’t result in sales. Real targeted marketing is a science, not a slogan. It gets you sales, not taillights. Spend your ad dollars where they’ll count.

By the way, Facebook didn’t invent rolling service blackouts. Enron did. (Remember those granny-killing d-bags?)

eBay perpetrates this trick, too, using it to give preferential treatment to favored sellers and manage its inadequate infrastructure instead of improving it (translation: eBay physically TURNS OFF listings), and rake in millions at the same time.

eBay sellers, like Facebook users, have seen catastrophic drop-offs in page views this year, while eBay and Facebook stole scads of their dough. So don’t bother selling your book on eBay. And rest in pieces, Enron. You sick bastards.

As for my sudden deluge of Facebook page views — well, they didn’t even come from Facebook trying to woo me into pay-to-play. The real answer is way creepier.

They came from Twitter. On the day of my 6733% Facebook spike, I posted a link to Dead Spot‘s Amazon product page on Twitter. There is a link to Dead Spot‘s Facebook page on Amazon, but it’s on my author page (not my product page), which I doubt 205 people suddenly felt compelled to find and click. My Twitter and Facebook pages are not linked at all. Not by me, anyway.

Is stalking what Facebook means when they promise “greater reach”? Like I said. Creepy.


Facebook Fraud — A Wake-Up Call from Veritasium

 DEAD SPOT on Amazon

Copyright © 2014 SYDNEY SCHUSTER – All Rights Reserved

Sydney Schuster and Dead Spot neither approved nor endorse any third-party advertising that may appear below, nor do we derive any income from it. Feel free to ignore it.

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Make The Stupid Stop! / Part II

On April 23 I noted the insane War of the Book Distributors over my novel Dead Spot, which is for sale over at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. When we last visited the online booksellers, Amazon sported three vendors vying for Dead Spot sales at various (mostly absurd) price points: $7.32, $111.22, and $121.73 (and mine, a thrifty $13.95!). B&N’s one vendor had Dead Spot over-optimistically priced at $142.45.

I’m completely flabbergasted to report that the Amazon copies of Dead Spot are now going for an astounding $84.97 (for the same one you could’ve had for $7.32 had you moved your ass faster) and $232.06! (Both alongside mine, still economically priced at $13.95.) The B&N copy has been joined by a second one that wandered over from Amazon, and they’re now selling for — wait for it — $239.95 and $282.53 (for the one that used to be $142.45).

No, I am not making this up! And in case you’re wondering, the three-figure Dead Spots are review copies requested by magazines that never even read them. I’ve decided that them scalping Dead Spot for $282 is an endorsement far superior to any editorial blather they would’ve barfed up.

Here’s the other thing: Why anyone would pay more than $13.95 for my book beats the hell outta me. Not that it isn’t the greatest rock’n’roll novel ever written. But if you buy the $282.53 Dead Spot, I won’t see a dime of it. Also, for $282 they should deliver it personally and give you a blow job. So buy Dead Spot from me for $13.95. At least mine are autographed.

 

Copyright © 2012 SYDNEY SCHUSTER – All Rights Reserved

Sydney Schuster and Dead Spot neither approved nor endorse any third-party advertising that may appear below, nor do we derive any income from it. Feel free to ignore it.

Thank You, Porter Anderson!

Big shout out to Porter Anderson, the journalist, lit critic and former UN diplomat who posts at PorterAnderson.com and @Porter_Anderson on Twitter. A while back the lovely Mr. Anderson tweeted wryly about Dead Spot and got me my biggest one-day response ever to this blog. Thanks, Mr. Anderson!

Copyright © 2012 SYDNEY SCHUSTER
Sydney Schuster
and Dead Spot neither approved nor endorsed any third-party advertising that may appear on this blog, nor do we derive any income from it. Feel free to ignore such crap.

The Joys of Self Publishing

Not sure whether to be flattered by this or pissed off because I don’t get a piece of it, but someone is selling a copy of Dead Spot on Amazon for — wait for it — $121.73!

Why? Sheer cojones, I guess. (I still sell it for $13.95.)

As Sting says about people who use “Every Breath You Take” for their wedding song, good luck with that.

Copyright © 2014 SYDNEY SCHUSTER
http://www.amazon.com/Dead-Spot-Sydney-Schuster/dp/0615557996

Sydney Schuster and Dead Spot neither approved nor endorse any third-party advertising that may appear below, nor do we derive any income from it. Feel free to ignore it.

 

 

DEAD SPOT Is Now on Bookwire

My bangin’ novel DEAD SPOT has been listed on Bookwire. Huzzah!

http://seo.bookwire.com/Dead-Spot/9780615557991

Copyright © 2012 SYDNEY SCHUSTER
Sydney Schuster
and Dead Spot neither approved nor endorsed any third-party advertising that may appear on this blog, nor do we derive any income from it. Feel free to ignore it.

Why Self-Publishing Doesn’t Totally Suck

Copyright © 2012 SYDNEY SCHUSTER

My last post was about self-publishing on Kindle, and Kindle’s mysterious sales ranking system for the million-plus ebooks in its catalog. This post is about why you can ignore it.

I published my novel Dead Spot on Kindle. A colleague asked me why I chose self-publishing, considering that my nonfiction journalism — the kind paid in dollars per word, not pennies — has been published many, many times. (Google me, dogs.) I told her straight up that I’d been hosed enough by literary agents and publishers. (Hey, Syd, Dead Spot is nice but why don’t you write a book just like [title of that week’s NYT’s best seller]?).

Even if I did succeed in getting one of them to publish my novel, establishment publishers are notoriously uninterested in promoting new authors. Odds are my book would be on B&N’s remainder table before the advance cleared, unless I did my own PR. And if I have to do the PR myself, what am I paying them for?

My author friend, the one I was explaining all this to, has published several books the traditional way. She couldn’t argue with my logic.

Here’s the thing: I’m not getting any younger. I have a novel to sell, and I’m through begging pseudo-intellectual snotbags to publish it. Ergo, Kindle. I’ve now sold way more books there than I did (i.e., zero) without it. In that regard, Kindle can be a marvelous thing for authors with marketable product and limited patience.

And not for nothing, but B&N and Borders recently picked up the paperback version of Dead Spot, which I publish myself. So 4Q2, Random House.

Copyright © 2012 SYDNEY SCHUSTER

Sydney Schuster and Dead Spot neither approved nor endorsed any third-party video advertising that may appear on this blog, nor do we derive any income from it. Feel free to ignore such crap.

A Great Mystery Solved! | How Kindle Rankings Work

Copyright © 2012 SYDNEY SCHUSTER – All Rights Reserved

One of the great unsolved mysteries of independent publishing (to me, anyway) is Kindle seller rankings. How do they work? Why are they there? What the hell good are they?

I have a rockin’ ebook for sale on Kindle. It’s called Dead Spot.  It’s one of more than a million ebooks Amazon claims to be selling now. So yesterday I sold an ebook. Here’s the kicker. Before the sale, Dead Spot‘s Kindle ranking was around 625,000. After my single-unit sale, it ranked 76,058.

I think I speak for everyone here when I say, “Huh?!?

Obviously, Kindle isn’t selling all that many of its one million-plus ebooks. Last year Amazon boasted it sold 105 ebooks for every 100 dead-trees books — then went on to predict its Kindle-related revenue would represent only 10 percent of total 2012 revenue.

The math here isn’t rocket science. A lot of Kindle books are free or close to it. And a lot of Kindle-related revenue comes from selling $80-$380 Kindle reading devices. Translation: Your life’s work is competing for seller ratings with the 99¢ epulp flooding Kindle’s site and 800-pound literary gorillas like Tim Tebow and the Kardashians.

But there’s a bigger, more troubling equation involved. Those 548,942 Kindle books ranked behind Dead Spot, the ones not lucky enough to have a sale this week — do they all share the same nomimal Kindle rank of, say, 625,000? Or are they being scored by some other method — say, alphabetization? Amazon has some ‘splainin’ to do.

Kindle’s own forums are ablaze with wild conjecture on this very subject. (The reason:  Amazon only promotes best sellers, so authors are obsessed with gaming the ranking system.) One author posted: “I have seen my Amazon ranking for my novel … fluctuate up and down by 10,000 spots without seeing any additional sales.” Another replied: “I think it takes more than 50 sales/day to break the #1000 spot.” Said another: “Since I don’t write about zombies, this is not good!”

Another forum respondent said his ebook always ranks number 1 in Amazon’s King Henry VII historical category, even though it’s a metaphysical fantasy that’s not about Henry VII. He added, “I know an author whose thriller book used to rank #1 in ‘Car Parts’.”

The New York Times ran an article claiming Amazon has traditional publishers in a frenzy, quoting them saying things like “Publishers are terrified and don’t know what to do” and “Everyone’s afraid of Amazon.” Again I say, huh?

So keep buying Dead Spot, beloved fans. One more sale and it’ll rank … minus-554,985!

Copyright © 2012 SYDNEY SCHUSTER – All Rights Reserved

I make no money from this blog. If you find it interesting or useful, please buy my book Dead Spot. The Kindle version’s only $5 and you’ll love it! Thanks.

DEAD SPOT on Amazon

Sydney Schuster and Dead Spot neither approved nor endorse any third-party advertising that may appear below, nor do we derive any income from it. Feel free to ignore it.