The Awful Henry Whitneys and Their Magnificent House

Copyright © 2026 SYDNEY SCHUSTER — All Rights Reserved

This is the strange tale of one of the greatest architects of all time, Alexander Jackson Davis, and the extraordinary house he designed for one of the biggest assholes ever.

Built in 1835 on the Hartford Turnpike in New Haven, this Greek Revival beauty stood defiantly until 1926. Its circular front porch was an unabashed play on the Choragic Monument of Lysicrates in Athens, a tribute to Dionysus and the first ancient monument of the Corinthian order. Alex Davis designed a staggering number of houses. Only three had a porch like this one.

The lucky owner was Henry Whitney (1812-1856), a horticulturist from New York City whose lovely residence was a wedding gift from his father, Stephen Whitney, the second-richest man in America after John Jacob Astor. Davis biographer Roger Hale Newton called it an exciting breakout from the hoary Victorian models of the time — a style so radical, so divine, it deserved its own architectural classification. It didn’t get one.

Newton described Henry Whitney’s curved porch thusly: “So decorative a feature ceased to be merely utilitarian so far as weather was concerned.” About the inside, he wrote: “…all traces of the old-fashioned Georgian paneling [popular at the time] had given way to a burst of plaster ornament in high relief, to delicately wrought acanthus leaves, capitals and fluting, elaborate rinceaux in frieze, modillions, and plaster roses from which crystal chandeliers hung.” (Town & Davis Architects) Henry Whitney’s 1856 probate records describe the house as brick, with fifteen rooms before it was ham-handedly remodeled.

As with all Davis creations, Henry’s Corinthian extravaganza had a bougie name: Highwood. It was quickly renamed Belmont because there was already a Highwood in town, owned by the poet James A. Hillhouse. It was Alex Davis’ first executed design. Tragically, there was another Belmont in town, too. Designed by Alex Davis’ former partner, Ithiel Town, it was owned by Henrietta Edwards Whitney, the widow of inventor Eli Whitney. The Eli Whitneys weren’t related to the Stephen Whitneys, but Henry didn’t want any trouble so he started calling his pad The Grove. James Hillhouse started calling his Sachem’s Wood, in honor of his father, US Senator James Hillhouse. (Connecticutians called him “Sachem” on account of he kept a hatchet on his desk.) Connecticut newspapers amusingly called Henry’s house “High Belmont.”

In 1841 the New Haven Daily Herald described Henry’s estate thusly: “The mansion of Mr. Whitney is approached from the Hartford Turnpike by a serpentine walk leading to the southern front,” with borders that “were overspread with flowers and arranged with taste and elegance. … On the northerly side of this walk and east of the house itself, is situated the Parterre [a formal garden] consisting of many green house plants, and flowers, kept with particular care and neatness.”

Henry’s 1856 probate filing described the size of the property as 20 acres. In 1841 it included a 1-acre garden (slightly smaller than a football field) where Henry raised flowers, fruits, and rare vegetables. His strawberries had quite the local reputation.

Probably to the dismay of his hyper-ambitious father, Henry barely managed to achieve marginal success as gentleman farmer. He was the recording secretary of his county’s agricultural society, and was elected to the American Institute Committee on Agriculture (whatever that was) in 1841. He was a subscription agent for a magazine, The Cultivator and Genesee Farmer. He had a stud bull named Young Rocket who he’d let knock up your cow for $3.

At least Henry had a job, sort of, and his own house, unlike his brothers Samuel and Stephen Jr. They were profligate drunks and gamblers who lived with their rich daddy until they died unemployed. Stephen Sr blew a gasket upon learning posthumously that Stephen Jr had children with a woman he never married, and left nothing when he died in 1858. Senior placed $20,000 of his railroad stock (worth $815,000 in 2026 dollars) in her name and sent it to her.

Henry was an entitled f*ck-up like his brothers, in his own special way. In case you’ve ever questioned the value of a Yale diploma, Henry managed to obtain his, an MA, at the age of 18. He distinguished himself scholastically by joining a boycott against the dorm food. (Catalogue of the Officers and Graduates of Yale University, 1910) As the Class of 1830’s secretary, he was in charge of compiling a biographical database of his classmates, and publishing the data as a book. Beach bongo Henry was the class secretary from 1830 until 1856. The book wasn’t published until 1871.

In Memorial of the Class of 1830‘s introduction, the exasperated editor explained how Henry’s records “have been lost,” and apologized for having “imperfectly and unsatisfactorily to himself performed [Henry’s] work.”

Said publication contained 69 alumni biographies. Henry’s states the following: He “never followed his profession [law], or engaged in any business.” He “had a magnificent residence, and lived as a gentleman without employment, and entertained his friends, and was always glad to see and hear from his classmates, many of whom partook of his hospitality. … He was a noble hearted man, full of fine impulses; and but for the prospect of inheriting a large fortune … and had he been under any necessity to exert himself, he would have been a man of position and influence.” Ouch! (Memorial of the Class of 1830, Yale College, published 1871)

Henry had 26 years to produce a class memoir. He was too busy gardening and (according to Yale) breeding “fine stock.” (Biographical Notices of Graduates of Yale College, 1913) Translation: He raised trick ponies that performed at the Bowery Amphitheatre, and cattle that won beauty contests at Niblo’s Garden and Vauxhall Garden, venues popular with easily entertained New Yorkers. Yale felt his business pursuits required spin. (New York Herald, May 25 ,1853; The Spirit of the Times (NY), Nov. 28, 1840)

Stephen Whitney was probably sorry he gave Henry a house. Multiple designs were created for Henry by Alex Davis, and rejected — houses of different sizes and shapes, with four, six, and eight columns on the circular front porch.

Some drafts show two porches, some four. Henry wanted a big rectangular veranda in addition to the round one, but couldn’t decide whether it should be one story or two, or on the back of the house or the side. (City maps show a one-story porch, on the back.)

Davis no doubt had many pain-in-the-ass clients. Henry Whitney seems like an especially big one. Poor Alex Davis. If Henry Whitney was my client, I’d punch him.

Henry died in 1856, in three different places: Hartford (per Grove Street Cemetery); East Hartford (the Hartford Evening Press); and New Haven (Yale). He was barely 44. The city of New Haven reported he dropped dead from gastritis. Personally, I think Alex Davis finally caught up to him.

Maria Fitch, Henry’s second wife who got stuck raising his children, probably wanted to punch him, too. He didn’t leave a will to provide for her, probably because she gave him an ulcer. What he did to her was worse. Henry died with $10,584 in assets and $42,519 in debts.

His executor was Sam Whitney, his ne’er-do-well numbnuts brother. Sam made sure all Maria inherited was $35 and a cow. Later she received a $450 equity distribution from Henry’s estate in exchange for relinquishing her dower rights. Henry put her through a lot of shit, including making her marry him in four different cities: Norwich, New Haven, Columbia, and Hartford. Oh, to be a fly on the wall for that proposal.

Fun Schadenfreude Facts! When Henry died in 1856, Maria had five kids, no mans, and no inheritance. When her father-in-law Stephen Whitney died four years later, he bequeathed her a generous trust fund paying her $1,000 quarterly ($162,000 per year in 2026 dollars). He was a notorious tightwad whose fortune derived from railroading and turning around worthless stocks, property, and factory inventories created by the War of 1812, the 1835 New York City fire, and the Panic of 1837. He wasn’t bad, he just wasn’t a philanthropist. Frank Leslie’s Illustrated Newspaper described him as “almost sarcastic in this toiling to accumulate a monster cloud of riches” he couldn’t take with him. Stephen’s last words were: “Don’t pay the $500 to bury me in Trinity churchyard. Foolish expense. Better buy stock in the Panama railroad with the money.” His bequest to Maria was therefore a pleasant shock. Unlike his sons, Stephen actually cared what happened to his grandkids.
  Meanwhile, instead of liquidating The Grove to pay off Henry’s debts, his heirs tripled the estate’s size — from 20 acres to 62. In 1864 they finally tried to unload it. There were no takers.

As for Henry Whitney, he got two graves: one in Greenwood Cemetery in Brooklyn, and one in the Grove Street Cemetery in New Haven. Seems like a lot for a guy who didn’t have a funeral. His family in New York didn’t publish a death notice in the New York newspapers. Not a single obituary was published for him that I could find.

Yale man. Sterling lineage. Legendary house. You’d think that rates an obituary. But nah. You know what kind of rich guy doesn’t have an obit somewhere when he dies? The kind who isn’t dead.

Now let’s take a little trip. It’ll be fun, I promise. Time travel! Alter egos! More empty coffins! Buckle up.

This seems like the best place to mention that Henry lived in the magical time after life insurance was invented and before Social Security numbers existed — a time when many Americans pretended to die in order to cash out their life insurance policies, or evade the law or failed marriages or creditors, and start anew. I wrote a whole book about people like that (The Freemans: A Lust Story). They didn’t even change their names. Sometimes they assumed the identities of dead people with similar names, appropriating the decedent’s records to establish a new identity. One example is William Burtsell Freeman, a New Yorker with nine different identities and eight wives. He was a mayor, stock broker, bank robber, murderer, arsonist, drug dealer, and phony Civil War hero who got away with all of it. He lived to be 96.

That said, Henry Whitney may have been unavailable for his funeral because he was in Hawaii selling “choice garden, fruit and grass seeds” (according to his ads) as Henry Martyn Whitney (1821 or 1824-1904). Exactly like New Haven Henry, he was a horticulturist and officer of his local ag org (the Royal Hawaiian Agricultural Society) who sold “the finest seeds ever imported.”

Henry Martyn Whitney’s Story:
A masterpiece of obfuscation.

It’s impossible to reconcile the dueling eventlines in his many biographies, but the coincidences are fire so please enjoy the bullet points:

   🐀 New Haven Henry’s fruit exploits abruptly stopped appearing in Connecticut newspapers in 1845, the year after his first wife, Hannah Lawrence, died. This was exactly when Henry Martyn Whitney went to work in the print shop at Harper & Brothers publishing in Manhattan.
   🐀 He wasn’t there long. By 1847 Henry owned a farm in Rochester, NY. He wasn’t there long, either. In 1848 the imperial government of Hawaii inexplicably offered him a job. The government paid for his trip. Nobody knows why. (In William Burtsell Freeman’s case, it was because he was a government spy.)
   🐀 Before Henry took off, he had to sell his farm. His ad in the Rochester Daily Democrat described it as 25 acres, 2.5 miles north of the city, with “the finest soil in Monroe County” and 1,000 peach and apple trees. Henry was in such a rush, he offered to sell it below market value and hold the mortgage. His ad pleaded: “To a person of limited means the above is an offer which may not soon occur again, as the payments are on the most desirable terms.”
   🐀 It was 1850 before he arrived in Hawaii, with a new wife. The job he’d been offered — Director of Government Printing, or editor of the government’s propaganda rag, The Polynesian, depending on your source — was given to someone else because it took Henry two years to get there.
  🐀 He took a menial job at the government printing office, probably as a compositor, and immediately opened a store in the GPO building selling stationery, books, poultry, and every possible kind of imported seeds — vegetables, fruits, grass, trees, flowering plants, ornamental bushes. The combined fumes of printing ink, glue, solvents, pine pulp newsprint, rotting plant and fowl matter, and sulphuric pesticides must’ve been hallucinogenic.
  In 1851 he submitted an application to the government to buy The Polynesian. He was turned down. He started his own newspaper, the Whalesmen’s List, featuring port schedules and maritime equipment vendor ads in direct competition with The Polynesian‘s Whalemen’s List.
  🐀 Henry departed the GPO after less than a year for a gig delivering mail. And he wasn’t just a mail handler. He was the only mail handler. The post office was in the GPO building, so Henry started printing postage stamps.
  Hard-hitting news coverage of Hawaii’s new mailman, calling the 39-year-old bigamist “a young man of great moral worth,” appeared in the Rochester Daily Democrat, then the Brooklyn Daily Eagle, the New York Tribune, and the New York Times, submitted by someone (and by someone I mean Henry) for the benefit of Gothamites who clamored to know.
  🐀 In 1854 he tried to buy the GPO for $5,000. He was turned down.
  🐀 Henry wasn’t at the post office very long. In 1856 he founded a newspaper, the Pacific Commercial Advertiser (PCA).
  🐀 In 1864 he heard that his rival, The Polynesian, was shutting down. In Presstime in Paradise: The Life and Times of The Honolulu Advertiser, 1856-1995, author George Chaplin claims Henry begged the government to let him take over The Polynesian in exchange for abandoning PCA. Four days after The Polynesian closed, Henry received this response from the Hawaiian Interior Minister: “I have the honor to inform you that I am not at present authorized to accept that proposal.” Henry later claimed The Polynesian tried to take over PCA, and he valiantly refused.

Henry’s Bio, According to Henry

Henry arrived in Honolulu in 1850 with a sketchy backstory about being the son of American Calvinist missionaries sent to Hawaii. Rev. Samuel Whitney and Mercy Partridge were real people. They arrived in 1820 to foist the gospel of Jesus and flannel clothing on the indigenous people, who forty years earlier had dismembered Capt. James Cook for a lot less.
   🐀 Born in Hawaii in 1821, 1824, or 1825, Henry immediately or ten years later contracted an unspecified illness that caused him to go deaf. Instantly or at age 4 or 7 or in 1831 he was shipped off to live with relatives in Rochester.
   🐀 When New Haven Henry attended Yale, raised exotic rutabagas, and judged cows at the New York Agricultural State Fair in Rochester, Honolulu Henry supposedly was attending prep schools in upstate New York: the Canandaigua Academy and the Rochester Collegiate Institute. The latter can’t be verified because it conveniently burned down in 1852. The Canandaigua Academy, however, has a long list of distinguished alumni posted right on its website. It includes Stephen A. Douglas, who ran against Abraham Lincoln for president and lost, and drag queen Pandora Boxx. Conspicuous by his absence is Henry Martyn Whitney, pioneer Hawaiian publisher.
   🐀 After prep school, Henry worked briefly for Harper & Brothers in Manhattan (1845). He told people he was Harper’s print shop foreman, despite having negligible printing experience.
   🐀 He moved back to Rochester to farm fruit trees.
   🐀 In 1850 he returned to Hawaii at the age of 26 or 29, to be a bigshot newspaper honcho. For those keeping score, New Haven Henry was 38.
   🐀 Honolulu Henry’s newspaper obits claim he “died suddenly” at home in 1904. Even that didn’t stop his bullying and self-aggrandizement. The Honolulu Independent and the Pacific Commercial Advertiser ran encyclopedic memorials, obviously self-penned, that were liberally interlarded with name-drops of Hawaiian celebrities and royalty and Mark Twain. Below is a whomper from the Independent, eviscerating a beloved Massachusetts civic leader and Civil War vet, Hawaii’s former New England consul general Gorham Gilman:

Gilman was a royalist in Hawaii and an accessionist at home in America. Henry was a bigger hypocrite by orders of magnitude, but Gilman had committed the unforgivable faux pas of selling travel guides and law books in competition with Henry 50 years earlier. He and Henry took to bitchslapping each other in the press — in Henry’s case, even after he was dead.

The obit above is the only one I found mentioning Gilman. Many others called Henry’s relationship with Mark Twain “an intimacy of many years.” They (and by “they” I mean Henry) also said Henry’s own “character was rock-ribbed in the qualities of manliness” and he was “always on the right side of a moral issue.” They forgot to mention how humble he was, and his mysterious wife.

There really wasn’t much else to say about Henry’s legacy. Like his father Stephen, he didn’t build institutions for the people or champion philanthropic causes. In the end, all Henry had was stories. Bad ones. And now, here’s
  

What Really Happened

As you probably guessed, Henry had shirttail passengers and sycophants galore, but not many friends. He met Mark Twain in 1866 when the author visited Hawaii as a reporter for the Sacramento Union. Twain borrowed a book from someone and returned to America with it. Henry claimed the book was his. It wasn’t. Their “intimacy of many years” consisted of Henry excoriating Twain in his newspaper about the book, and still punching at him in the San Francisco Morning Call a decade after Twain returned the book to the lender. Twain called Henry a boorish liar and threatened to eat him.

It burned Henry up that his own writing was never in a league with Twain’s. He considered himself the superior humorist, when in reality he was the biggest insufferable hack ever born. The only thing he ever said that made me laugh was years later, at an 1882 New York State financial investigation hearing when a senator asked him the dumbest question ever. Henry was then a banker/broker, with a client with both deposit and loan accounts. The senator demanded to know why Henry was paying a lower interest rate on the deposit account than he was charging for the loan, and wasn’t the client being cheated? Since this is how it’s been done since the Assyrians invented banks, Henry answered the senator like he was five. “Deposit accounts are treated one way and other accounts in another way. No, sir.”

But judge for yourself. In 1900 the New York Times published a 930-word satirical op-ed, “A Plea for the Hyphen” by one Henry M. Whitney, chock full of pseudo-intellectual “humor” about seeds, cheese, typography, and whatever this is:

As you also may have guessed, Henry Martyn Whitney wasn’t really born in Hawaii. 1860s immigrations records show him claiming he was born in Idaho. In the 1890 Hawaii census, his son Henry Jr stated Henry Sr was foreign born. In the 1900 census, Henry Sr claimed his father was Canadian. Yes, that would be the Rev. Samuel Whitney, who was neither Canadian nor related to Honolulu Henry at all, except maybe distantly.

Rent-A-Parent Fun Facts! Samuel Whitney (1793-1845) was a mechanic from New Haven. He enrolled at Yale in 1817, but dropped out more or less immediately to join his mission’s sortie to Hawaii. (per The Friend, the ABCF Mission newsletter, Jan. 15, 1846, Vol. IV, No. II. Later sources claim Sam graduated from Yale in 1819, but he doesn’t appear in Catalogue of the Officers and Graduates of Yale University in New Haven Connecticut 1701-1924.)
   Mercy Partridge Whitney (1795-1872) claimed to be from Pittsfield, MA, although the Rochester Daily Democrat seemed to think she was from Rochester and kvelled over her visit from Hawaii in 1860. The Mormon mission that assigned Sam to Hawaii ordered him to find a wife before his departure in a month. Sam and Mercy became engaged two hours after being introduced. (Jedidiah Morse, A Report to the Secretary of War of the United States, on Indian Affairs, Comprising a Narrative of a Tour Performed in the Summer of 1820, by S. Converse, 1822)
   Sam and Mercy, being model Christians, offloaded all their children on strangers in faraway places when they were very young.
   Author W.P. Alexander wrote The Friend‘s 4-page obituary in 1845 describing Sam’s death from liver disease in excruciating detail. He said Sam’s deathbed chats included his wife, servants, and friends’ children by name, but none of his own siblings or children because he couldn’t remember them. (The Friend, Jan. 15, 1846, Vol. IV, No. II)

Here’s what I think really happened: There was a Henry Martyn Whitney, once, a sickly Hawaiian child whose mother and father mailed him to relatives in Rochester in 1831, because they were horrible parents. Henry died there.

Meanwhile, New Haven Henry Whitney was plotting his reinvention as an important businessman in another universe. He was in Rochester in the early 1840s, judging livestock at fairs and hiding from his family in Connecticut, when he heard that another Henry Whitney had died. Jackpot! Rev. Sam Whitney suddenly became convenient.

Sam was but a humble missionary struggling in Hawaii until his circumstances changed dramatically, judging by his letters to his American contacts, in the early 1840s. He went from begging them to take goatskins in trade for wheat, to having plenty of money to buy anything he couldn’t get in Hawaii, which apparently was everything.

Long story short: Young Henry Martyn Whitney’s identity was sold, by a guy who needed cash to a guy who needed a cover. New Haven Henry appropriated Henry Martyn Whitney’s narrative. As I explained (or tried to), this is something people did with frightening regularity back then.

Nobody dared tell Mercy, who kept writing letters to her son that he never answered until 1842, telling her about a job he’d gotten in the printing industry. Fun Jerk Facts! New Haven Henry was still married to Hannah Lawrence at that point, meaning he was planning his exit two years before she died. It also suggests maybe she didn’t die at age 29 from natural causes.

Rev. Sam Whitney died in 1845. Mercy was left hacking away alone in the Hawaiian outback — old, probably broke, and one taco short of a special (judging by her correspondence) when Henry appeared on her doorstep in 1850. She hadn’t seen her son in twenty years, and he’d been a little boy back then. Henry could’ve been anyone.

He probably gave her money — enough for her roundtrip visit to New England in 1860, the only trip Mercy made home after moving to Hawaii. She wrote in her journal that the ship Henry arrived on in 1850 anchored in the bay near her house; he walked to her house, surprised her, stayed for the day, and cut out. (Hobey, Hobey Goodale, 2011)

We Now Join Henry Whitney in Hawaii

Honolulu Henry had a wife, Catherine March (and Marsh, 1821, 1826, and 1829-1896), whom everyone called Kate. She was born in New Hampshire (per her wedding record and FindAGrave), and somehow also New York (per her daughter Helen’s 1880 census entry). She lived in Brooklyn in 1848, per a letter written by Henry’s sister Emily. Henry stated Brooklyn as his residence on their 1849 New Hampshire marriage license.

   🐀 Brooklyn directories from 1845 through 1850 show a Catherine Marsh on Gold Street near Vinegar Hill, and New Haven Henry’s fave brother Sam at 10 Joralemon Street in Brooklyn Heights. Henry’s not listed. How he and Kate met is a mystery, but he may have couch surfed in Brooklyn when he worked for Harper’s.
   🐀 Honolulu Henry and Kate March married in two places, Rochester, NY, and Portsmouth, NH, a few months before New Haven Henry married Maria Fitch four times in Connecticut in 1850.

You may well ask: If the two Henrys were one person, why would he do such a shitty thing? Simple. He had three children in New Haven under the age of twelve from his marriage to Hannah Lawrence. In 1849 he was all set to ditch three motherless kids to be a Hawaiian dick, but he couldn’t let go of The Grove.

Cynical much? You bet. Henry arrived at a solution: marry Maria to run his dumb salad farm and raise his kids while he was criming in Paradise with Kate.

Fun Fact! New Haven Henry Whitney was AWOL from the 1850 US census. It’s almost as if he was away, doing … something.

Henry may have had buyer’s remorse. Maria Fitch got pregnant twice after her husband moved to Hawaii in 1850. (He visited America a lot, stringing her along for six years.) Did his wives know about each other? Well, they kept banging him, so I’m guessing no. At first.

On March 13, 1854, Henry Martyn Whitney sold the contents of his Honolulu house — everything, inside and out, including his horses and buggy — and put the place up for rent. On April 22 Kate and their two kids boarded a steamship to San Francisco without Henry. On August 4 a Mr. Whitney stepped off a ship in New York City. I mean, I wasn’t there, but that smells like a bustup to moi.

A year and a half later, New Haven Henry “died” (wink wink) and Honolulu Henry was back in Hawaii with Kate. They had four more children. Maria Fitch moved on. She married businessman Nathan Baldwin in 1862.

All boat, no paddle

Four months after New Haven Henry died, Honolulu Henry started his newspaper, the Pacific Commercial Advertiser, despite having no publishing or editorial experience. (No, my friend, printing is not publishing.)

Henry’s prose style was characterized by … well, let’s call it melodramatic flair. His 1500-word tour de force of hardblow in the first issue of PCA began with this:

Thank Heaven, the day at length has dawned when the Hawaiian nation can boast a free press, untrammeled by government patronage or party pledges, unbiased by ministerial frowns or favors.

Over time, Henry’s chroniclers inflated PCA‘s historic importance to milestone status. The truth is, it was just a 4-page weekly (except when it was 3 pages), basically a Victorian Pennysaver. It wasn’t the largest paper in Hawaii. It wasn’t even the first or only English-language one. The inaugural edition was 600 copies printed on a hand press. Its royalty-patronizing feature story was King Kamehameha IV’s wedding; the rest was ads for ships in port at Honolulu Harbor and hundreds of vessel timetables. Free press! Yay!

PCA‘s printing facility quickly became way bigger than necessary. It had at least three presses. The start-up cost was $21,808 ($854,400 in today’s dollars) and yes, this is the enterprise Henry proposed abandoning in exchange for The Polynesian — it wasn’t his money, why should he care?

It’s unclear who paid for the start-up. Certainly not Henry’s widowed missionary mother. And definitely not Henry, who lived in a thatched-roof adobe house. Nor was it the Hawaiian government, which hated him a little more each day. He tried to store 15 tons of rice in their refinery building. (They said no.) He interfered in elections. He rampaged through Honolulu on horseback with his posse, for fun. He was a spoiled nepo baby with nothing to show for it, until someone bought him a newspaper.

PCA focused on maritime commerce. Honolulu was a newly prosperous international shipping hub. And coincidentally, New Haven Henry’s second-richest-man-in-America father Stephen Whitney, still very much alive in New York, happened to be a major player in cargo shipping to China and the East Indies. His cash cow was cotton. Fun Facts! Honolulu Henry tried to persuade Hawaiian farmers to grow Sea Island cotton on a grand scale. Wonder where he got that idea? He even gave them premium seeds. It didn’t work out.

Neither did his newspaper. PCA was a treasure trove of toddlerish name-calling and petty vendettas. Henry earned the ire of the Hawaiian government by publishing smack talk about their politics. He was sued for libel by R.G. Wylie, Hawaii’s Minister of the Interior. He tried to get hula dancing banned (“the native heathen dance, shameful in the extreme”). He got into a knife fight with a judge who was a Confederate sympathizer, attracting an angry mob to PCA‘s office. Henry’s anti-slavery editorials resulted in advertising boycotts by angry Hawaiian sugar planters. In 1870 he went broke and sold PCA.

In May 1871 Henry gave his lawyer, Joseph Carter, power of attorney over all his Hawaiian businesses. Then he and Kate sailed off on what biographer Meiric Dutton called “a six-month sojourn” to the East Coast, without three of their four minor children or any immediate plan to return.

The End (Finally!) of Henry Whitney

Henry Martyn Whitney was gone for four years. During that time, Henry Norris Whitney (1839 or 1845-1920), a Brooklynite with a wife named Catherine whom everyone called Kate, scored his first Wall Street job with Robinson, Chase and Company as a cashier.

His boss was Benjamin Kissam, brother-in-law of William H. Vanderbilt. Henry was made a partner in 1880, and the brokerage was renamed Kissam, Whitney & Company. Henry got the job just by being a Whitney, never dreaming they’d expect him to actually, you know, do any work.

Here’s the thing: Henry Norris Whitney didn’t exist before 1867, when the Plymouth Church of Brooklyn mentioned him in a news item as a member. Unlike every other East Coast Whitney, he’s not listed in The Whitney Family of Connecticut. He didn’t appear in any census until 1870, or in a New York metro directory until 1871. He has no parents. No siblings. No birth record. No college degree. No military service during the Civil War. No industry or civic awards. No political appointments. No land records. Not even a marriage license with Kate Shipman (aka Kate Hauf, 1843-1907), the wife he had four children with in Brooklyn starting exactly when Honolulu Henry and Kate Whitney left Oahu. (The Hawaiian child they took along in 1871 was 19-year-old Helen, dropped off in San Francisco where she remained until at least 1890.) And just like Honolulu Kate, Brooklyn Kate isn’t mentioned in any of her husband’s obituaries. That must’ve been some marriage. Dude has a FindAGrave page effusively commemorating a fur storage warehouse he co-owned in Brooklyn.

Fun Resurrection Fact! According to immigration records, neither Henry nor his wife Kate took any trips to Hawaii from 1870 through 1874. They must’ve been up to something.

Henry’s Wife

   🐀 Kate Shipman was born in New York City. Kate March’s daughter claimed her mother also was born in New York City (not New Hampshire). That and other coicidences make me think “Kate Whitney” was two people, a hybrid product of magically fudged records.
   🐀 In the 1850 census, the year Henry Whitney split to Hawaii, Kate Shipman was the 6-year-old daughter of Horatio Shipman, an accountant living in Hartford (and ten years later, a hardware salesman living in a boarding house).
   FamilySearch and the American Historical Society leave out her father and brutally murdered son (see Bonus Dickery, upcoming), but the latter says her great-grandfather, Reuben Wadsworth (1753-1836) of Hartford, “served in the Revolutionary army at Bunker Hill.” Thanks to him, Kate Shipman managed to join the DAR and Society of Colonial Dames.
   🐀 Kate March was 29 in 1850. Her father was John March, Jr., who died in 1824. He had three wives, two daughters named Catherine (FamilySearch), and no daughters named Catherine (FindAGrave). Other records show Catherine was born a couple of years after her father died, and the whole March family changed their name to Nash.

No father is shown on either Kate’s FindAGrave page. Both dads strike me as losers who might find a cash offer for their vital records attractive.

Kate Whitney’s trainwreck of a paper trail was an easy mod. In those day, people just trotted into city hall, asked for vital records, changed them by hand — crossed things out, wrote other things in — handed them back, and slipped the clerk a tip. Nobody gave a damn. You wouldn’t believe the crap I’ve seen. It was the Victorian-era equivalent of hijacking a stranger’s email addy to open a Target account, so that when Target gets hacked again, you won’t but you can still buy stuff.

The age discrepancy between Kate Shipman and Henry Whitney (32 years) is downright comical. There’s no logical explanation for them hooking up. That’s why I think he bought Catherine Shipman’s identity for Kate March to use in New York, and the original Catherine Shipman became Kate Hauf and sailed on. Another candidate is a 30-year-old Catherine Shipman of Brooklyn, father unknown, who died of comsumption in 1872 (city cn 3131). If her death wasn’t publicized, she was perfect fo the Whitneys. All they needed was her birth certificate. Either way, when busybodies inquired about Kate’s lineage, she needed only to invoke her war hero great-grandfather, and say she looked old because life is hard, bite me. They’d nod and coo and leave her alone.

And that, I believe, is how Henry Martyn Whitney became Henry Norris Whitney, and Kate March Whitney became Kate Shipman Whitney, and they settled down in New York.

Why the hell would anyone go to so much trouble?, one might reasonably ask. Answer: Lots of people knew Henry in New York, and bigamy had been criminalized in 1862. Three of New Haven Henry’s siblings, five of his abandoned children, and Maria Fitch (now only a $2 train ticket away, for chrissakes!) were all still alive in 1871. If the district attorney found out he’d returned from the dead and sandbagged his last wife, things could get awkward.

At this point, you may be wondering how Henry stayed under the radar. It was like this: Being a power franchise, the Whitneys had powerful friends. New York newspapers knew better than to mess with them. Remember William Burtsell Freeman? They knew exactly who he was. It was the worst-kept secret in town. His friends included Boss William Tweed, tax commissioner John Hayward, and Governor Rosswell Flower. The press always called him just “Mr. Freeman.” William was only ever outed once, when a New York World reporter unwittingly published his real name in connection with a felony committed in 1878 by one of William’s other selves, Max Friedman. They were sued out of business and fled to California.

Presumably that’s why Honolulu Henry’s will, written in August 1896, demanded “no publicity of the details” as is customary. It contained the names of his four Hawaiian children who were still alive in 1896, plus his uber-wealthy plantation-owner son-in-law, William Whitmore Goodale.

Media Fun Fact! The Brooklyn Daily Eagle went nuts publishing the juicy details of Henry Norris Whitney’s will in 1920, calling him “Henry M. Whitney” over and over, which sure sounds like payback. Karma’s a bitch.

In February 1896, Honolulu Kate died a reclusive invalid. It seems no one had seen her in years, not since … <checks notes> … a certain Henry Whitney in New York scored a big-time bank exec job in 1894. Kate’s obit in the the Honolulu Star-Bulletin said that when she expired, Henry was out of town.

Apparently she was, too. Kate Shipman was living the life of a society dame at 65 South Oxford Street in Fort Greene, Brooklyn (below), where Henry was president of the Schermerhorn Bank.

65 South Oxford Street, Brooklyn. © 2020 Google

Henry had a superpower: No one ever knew where he was, or what he was doing. He spun like a bumper car every time he hit a wall. He was tough to reach, being usually on a ship. He was like that assclown on the Titanic who snuck into a lifeboat dressed like a woman, because who would ever know?

There are many records of Henry Whitney getting on and off steamships between 1850 and 1890, including one that stopped to rescue a shipwrecked crew in the Pacific in 1871, resulting in Henry’s noble heroism and the interminable essay he wrote about it.

Henry kept returning to Hawaii because he loved being a big fish in a little pond. Hawaiians considered him an intellectual, something that would never happen in New York. He owned businesses and land in Hawaii. Fun Spook Fact! The US government incentivized him to (among other things) grease the wheels for its Department of War to lease Pearl Harbor as a naval base. Like The Grove, Hawaii was a prize Henry didn’t want to give up.

He finally bit off too much in 1883, when he became Hawaii’s postmaster, again, when he was supposed to be working for Kissam, Whitney in New York. While preoccupied with that, he didn’t notice his assistant, I.B. Peterson, embezzling $422 ($14,000 in 2026 dollars) from the post office.

1883 just got worse and worser. Henry’s Hawaiian son Hervey died under suspicious circumstances. Henry seized Hervey’s property. (See Bonus Dickery, upcoming.) Hervey’s business partner and co-tenant, King David Kalakaua, was Henry’s boss. Torqued over losing Hervey, the post office money, and probably some property in Miss Piggy’s greedy land grab, the king demanded Henry’s resignation. Henry refused. You already know where this is going.

In 1886 Henry was somehow still the postmaster. He got distracted once more when he bought a new bully pulpit, the Hawaiian Gazette. His post office got robbed again, this time of $4,000 ($142,000 in 2026 dollars). There was an arrest, and a trial. The prosecution’s star witness was I.B. Peterson, still under indictment for his robbery in 1883. Thomas Walker, the defendant, and Peterson were both acquitted. The government’s stolen money was never recovered. That corked it for King Kalakaua. He fired Henry as postmaster for negligence.

Henry continued to identify himself as postmaster general of Hawaii on immigration manifests until at least 1890.

Henry was chronically incapable of taking a hint. He was a pest who attached himself to any passing pantsleg because a free ride is a free ride, even if it’s not going where you hoped. He didn’t quit the Hawaiian Gazette until 1894, when he became president of the new Schermerhorn Bank in Brooklyn.

There was only one teeny problem with his fine new plan: He was still a partner at Schermerhorn’s competitor — Kissam, Whitney — whose biggest clients were the Vanderbilts. So due to being a steaming turdpile of extortion bait and conflicts of interest and indictments waiting to happen, Henry was persuaded to resign from the Schermerhorn Bank in 1899. He and Kissam parted ways, too.

In 1901 Henry opened his own brokerage, H.N. Whitney & Sons. It was run by his three New York sons, the oldest of whom was only 30, in poor health, and would be dead by 1908. The Brooklyn Daily Eagle described him as “not paying great attention to business.” Nevertheless, the Whitneys optimistically bought seats at the New York Stock Exchange. They were probably a little short on cash by 1904.

Fun 1904 Fact! Remember Honolulu Henry Martyn Whitney? He died in 1904 — with a whopper of an insurance policy worth over $92,297 ($3.67 million in 2026 dollars).

What a coincidence! In 1904 Henry Norris Whitney bought the fancy gothic mansion (below) at 258 West 72nd Street off Central Park.

258 West 72nd Street in 1939. Photo: City of New York.

Kate Shipman died in 1907. Henry Norris Whitney stopped appearing in society columns in 1908, the year their son Charles got his head got blown off in Henry’s mansion (see Bonus Dickery, upcoming).

Kate had a much younger sister, an anti-suffragist named Elizabeth Wadsworth Coffin who lived with the Whitneys before her marriage. In 1907, the year Kate died, Liz’ wealthy husband Sturgis Coffin died, too. From a bullet to the head.

Liz moved into The Wyoming apartment building at 853 7th Avenue. In 1912 Henry moved into The Wyoming, too. They took a trip to Naples. She was half his age.

Fun Incest Facts! In 1905 the Brooklyn Daily Eagle identified Henry Norris Whitney’s wife as Caroline (not Kate) Whitney. Hmm. New Haven Henry Whitney had a sister named Caroline. She shared the exact same timespan with Honolulu Henry’s wife, Kate March. Caroline outlived three husbands. One was their cousin, another was the second husband of Henry’s former wife, Maria Fitch. All three of Caroline’s husbands were dead by 1898. Maybe she got bored. Might this explain the mystery of who Kate March really was, at least sometimes? Hawaiians thought that sort of thing was okay.

So, New Haven Henry shared a sister, Emily in New Haven, with Honolulu Henry, and a — whatever she was — named Caroline with Henry Norris Whitney. Seems fair.

On January 21, 1920, Henry Norris Whitney (or someone) expired at his apartment at The Wyoming. His municipal death certificate shows he died of vascular disease and aortic stenosis in whatever he had instead of a heart.

Officially, he was 81. If he was New Haven Henry, that actually made him <checks notes> 108 years old. It’s not impossible, I suppose. But here’s the thing: No state record exists for a Henry Whitney death in New York City in any year from 1898 to 1920. If one were to ask me, I’d guess his family arranged his trip abroad in 1912, and it was permanent.

Rest in pieces, Henry.

S
till not sure all these Henrys were one big asshole? This is for you.

Every bio ever written about Henry Martyn Whitney insists he was deaf.
If all the Henrys in this story were actually one person who happened to be deaf, they should’ve all been deaf, right? Yup. But Henry Martyn Whitney’s condition miraculously improved in Hawaii, where he wasn’t too deaf to get into an impassioned shouting match with a knife-waving slaver,* or to hammer out detailed New York mail protocols with Hawaii Interior Minister Wylie and the US Commissioner to Hawaii, David Gregg. Now, is it too much to ask that a dumbass impersonating a deaf guy not be a concert pianist?

*Multiple accounts of this event exist, ranging from the slaver was trapped under a chair against a wall and almost killed, to the two men weren’t even in the same room. No accounts said anything about passing notes.

   🐀 Henry Martyn Whitney’s deafness apparently was subjective. On the occasion of his annoying American cousin’s visit to Hawaii, Henry pretended he couldn’t hear him until he left. Henry also owned a “very superior and rich-toned” 7-octave carved rosewood Steinway piano that he was selling in 1870 for $500 ($12,700 in 2026 dollars). Bonus! He was a Steinway sales agent. In those days, agents gave demonstrations, instruction, and tune-ups.

   🐀 The 1875 New York State census had a deaf checkoff box that Henry Norris Whitney left blank. His 1920 New York Times obituary says he was the organist for the Plymouth Church in Brooklyn “before and during the Civil War.” There are many newspaper mentions of Henry performing there, the earliest being a Temperance Society meeting in 1867. Bruh, the Civil War ended in 1865. The American Historical Society assures us that “as a young man, [Henry Norris Whitney] became an accomplished organist.”

   🐀 New Haven Henry Whitney played — surprise! — the piano. In 1856 his was carted out of The Grove by an estate auctioneer. His family couldn’t wait to get rid of it.

I rest my case. Three identities. Three Liberaces. Three creepy mysogynist child-abusing bigamists. One Henry Whitney.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is 36985a7d2b0ec10949a21e888e6538c8.jpg

Bonus Dickery
Three mysterious Whitney family deaths!

1. Henry Norris Whitney had a 38-year-old bachelor son, Charles, who died by a so-called self-inflicted gunshot in 1908, in his father’s home, while his father was there. Two days later Charles’ “intimate friend” (according to the New York Daily Tribune), William Bourne Nevin, was pulverized by a subway train at the 79th Street station. The Trib called it suicide, but the Washington Star and dozens of eyewitnesses said he was “shoved to the tracks.” Some said they saw Nevin “whirl through the air and disappear beneath the wheels.”

2. Henry Martyn Whitney had a bachelor son, Frederick, who was 35 in December 1897 when masked thugs dragged him from the lodging he shared with another man in Wallace, Idaho. Fred died from a “gunshot wound at the hands of parties unknown,” according to the coroner. The Victoria Daily Colonist reported he’d been shot in the leg, which isn’t typically fatal.
   Fred had recently quit working for a mining company in Butte, Montana, managed by his brother-in-law, Charles Goodale, to take a better job at the Helena-Frisco silver mine in Wallace. The San Francisco Call reported that Fred was “from Butte, where he had influential relatives.” They were never identified by the many newspapers that covered his murder, but The Hawaiian Gazette noted that Henry Whitney was in Butte when Fred was shot, “to visit his son.” Henry left without visiting Fred in the hospital.
   Fred’s death certificate was filed in Montana, where no one would look for it. It calls him F.D. Whitney, and except for death date, age, and burial place, it contains exactly two words: Shot, and the undertaker’s last name. (FamilySearch clearly identifies him as Frederick Damon Whitney, son of Henry Martyn Whitney and Catherine March, born in Hawaii in 1867. He was 4 when his parents split to America without him.)

3. Henry Martyn Whitney had another bachelor son, 33-year-old Hervey Ely Whitney, who died violently in July 1883. The Honolulu Daily Bulleton said “the supposed cause of death” of poor Hervey — baseball player, rancher, steeplechase competitor — was a brain hemorrhage caused by falling off a horse while herding cattle. No one took him to a doctor for two days. Co-owner of a large ranch with King Kalakaua, Hervey was widely admired, especially by Henry. He buried Hervey the next day and immediately petitioned a probate court to award him Hervey’s entire $25,000 estate ($830,000 in 2026 dollars) because he allegedly died intestate. (His will was probably in Henry’s drawer with the Yale alumni data.) On July 24 a judge approved the petition, and on July 30 Henry boarded a steamship bound for San Francisco. Henry Whitney creeps me out.

By the way, I’m not suggesting that three gay men with parents named Henry and Kate Whitney who all died under suspicious circumstances are somehow the same person. I’m saying anyone who would willingly abandon ten children might also be open to killing them.

Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah…

Henry Whitney’s New Haven House

This is The Grove, the house that started this mess because Henry Whitney refused to give it up. Somehow, The Grove outlived him. It was a house everyone in town described in superlatives and drooled over for 88 years. Was it really all that?

Below is a photo taken long after it was built (circa 1875, the only photo I could find). The bricks may have been clad with thick cement to mimic brownstone, a treatment Alex Davis liked on his houses. Most of The Grove’s original decorative details are gone. The front door and windows are probably replacements. Still, a noble crib. The parterre is visible on the right. (Photo: Agrisso Forte Collection)

A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma, with a cherry on top.

The Grove was eventually remodeled beyond recognition. City surveys and a smudgy little cartoon on Will Taylor’s 1879 map of every building in New Haven tell the story of its frankensteinian transformation.

How cringe was it? The Grove’s circular porch stopped looking anything like Alex Davis’ depictions by 1879. To illustrate what Taylor drew with his blobby pen (below left), I defiled Davis’ 1835 drawing (below right) to show the Queen Anne-style turret that replaced his open porch. It was offset from the center, indicating the building gained an addition on the left, or lost mass on the right, or both. The asymmetrical arrangement of window bays clearly shown by Taylor was never suggested by Davis.

Below is the house’s evolution. From left: Davis’ original 1835 design with a 2-story circular porch, followed by Taylor’s 1879 boarded-over porch that shows a dome on top, or maybe it’s a cone. Next we see three 1900s city maps. Only two show a circular wooden porch. They don’t match. Click on the pic to see everything bigger.

In 1864 the New York Times described the house as 52 feet square. Sanborn’s 1900s maps show a house about 47 feet square. In the 1830s, Davis drew an oblong floor plan (below) showing a house 61 feet wide.

Alex Davis’ plan for Henry Whitney’s house, courtesy of the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

How did Davis’ roomy Grecian temple become Sanborn’s ring box with a clown nose?

Maps tell all. Taylor’s shows the porches converted to living space by 1879 — enclosed, with windows. By 1901 the circular porch was still half-round, but reduced to one story. The 1911 map shows it removed entirely. By 1924 it was restored to a full-circle, 2-story, wood-enclosed feature with an iron chimney inside.

Some people shouldn’t be allowed to have nice houses. Wait’ll you hear what else happened.

In 1893 there was a fire on the Whitney property involving a barn full of dynamite. (?!?!?) The fire chief arrived and was told to stand down, which right there is pretty weird. The New Haven Morning Journal and Courier reported that “some excitement was caused” when the neighbors found out about the dynamite. The newspaper claimed only the barn behind the house blew up. However, insurance was involved so I suspect part of the house blew off with it.

Of course, this timeline only accounts for why The Grove shrank, and not why its porches were boarded over. But it certainly explains why people stopped dropping by to take pictures.

By the time of the barn bavovna, Henry’s son Stephen Lawrence Whitney (1841-1905) had inherited The Grove. His son, Henry’s grandson Stephen Whitney (1887-1930), was next and last. He was (among other things) a contractor. He and his old man skunked the place up good. The last Whitney lived in The Grove until 1926, when he sold it to developers. It’s an apartment complex now.

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Alexander Jackson Davis and The John Cox Stevens House

Copyright © 2026 SYDNEY SCHUSTER — All Rights Reserved

For a long time I wondered about this insanely elegant fairytale, now gone. Wondered what happened to it. Wondered why. Wouldn’t you? Look at it, FFS!

This was the Manhattan home of John Cox Stevens (1785-1857), avid sportsman, inventor, and founder of the New York Yacht Club. He and his wife, Maria Cambridge Livingston (1799–1855), had been living in a farmhouse a few miles outside Brooklyn near the Union Race Course, because of his involvement with horse racing. By 1844 he’d traded in the ponies for yachts. Mrs. Stevens, a displaced Gothamite, seized the moment to express her desire to return to the city. Mr. Stevens figured out a way to make her happy, keep boats nearby, and help out his cash-strapped alma mater, Columbia College, all at the same time. (Image from the New-York Historical Society)

In 1844 he’d organized the first meeting of what would become the New York Yacht Club, during which he and eight BFFs planned a sailing trip to Newport. They convened with their custom sailboats at New York City’s Battery, where there’s a beautiful park. They attracted quite a crowd that day, flirting enthusiastically with lady passersby as they hoisted their flags. Columbia was only eleven blocks away, in a fancy neighborhood that was also walking distance from Hudson River docks and the Hoboken Ferry landing at Canal Street. (The Stevens family owned the ferry, and also Hoboken, where the first NYYC clubhouse was established.) For John Stevens, a Columbia campus HQ was a slam dunk.

Below is an 1855 map showing everything I just said. Click it to see it bigger.

So in 1845 Stevens leased three lots at the College Place corner of the block Columbia occupied on Murray Street. Then his and my favorite architect (see my last post), Alexander Jackson Davis (1803-1892), created this gleaming white marble jewel there. With a freaking dome, for chrissakes! In 1845, American houses did not have domes. Until this one.

In his book Manhattan Moves Uptown, architectural historian Charles Lockwood called John Stevens’ house one of the first mansions in 19th century New York. He also called it the last great Greek Revival house built in New York. It was certainly the largest. Best I can figure, it measured 81 feet square. (A typical lot was 25 feet wide.)

The 1855 panorama below isn’t unattributed, it’s by by John William Hill. Click on it to see Stevens’ dome (wildly exaggerated, imo – lol). Click on the pic to see it bigger.

Alex Davis didn’t invent Greco-Roman architecture, of course, he just imported it in a big, refined way to Americans living in stodgy, uninspired housing. He’s credited as the architect who introduced Greek Revival to Americans, thereupon changing their country’s architectural character forever. As a result, America became littered with pillared temples sporting double-hung windows and garages and, eventually, swimming pools. I don’t say that it in a mean way. It’s a compliment. Davis elevated a whole boring country into something much better. He would take the win.

Like a lot of people, I am besotted with the Stevens house. Its circular front porch was an unabashed play on the Choragic Monument of Lysicrates in Athens, a tribute to Dionysus and the first ancient monument of the Corinthian order.

Davis’ humble monument to the god of booze and Broadway sat on a veranda instead of a plinth. All that was missing was the bronze choral trophy parked on top in 334 BCE.

Charles Lockwood described the interior as having a “sweeping circular stairway and central reception hall beneath a dome.” I read somewhere that the dome had an oculus that poured sunlight into the house like it was the motherf*cking Pantheon. New York didn’t deserve Alex Davis. I wish I coulda seen this thing.

Like all Davis houses, Miss Thing had a name: Stevens Palace.

Below is an early floor plan showing round, rhombic, hexagonal, and plaid (!!!) rooms. (Probably that last one’s a coffered ceiling, but still…) I can’t even. (Courtesy of the Museum of the City of New York)

Alas, there are no photographs of Stevens Palace. Below are the only depictions I could find made after it was built. The first is from an 1852 city survey. It confirms that the half-round portico was raised, with four columns. Its curvy staircase spilled out onto College Place. There’s a skylight in the dome. Additionally, we see a right-side extension (also visible in the next two drawings, and pretty much nowhere else). (Map courtesy of the New York Public Library)

Below is a drawing of Stevens Palace by Alex Davis. It clearly shows a 1-story glass wing on the right, and the house’s stately Davisian windows. (Alexander Jackson Davis Collection, Avery Library, Columbia University)

The contemporaneous drawing below by an unknown artist shows the Palace elevated above street level, its glass wing now rising to two stories. Props to Keith Taillon (@keithyorkcity on Instagram) for finding this image. Taillon describes the glass wing as a conservatory. I thought it also might have been a fancy elevator shaft, added when the house became an office building.

The streetcar tracks belonged to the Sixth Avenue and/or Eighth Avenue lines, both of which opened in 1852. This effectively dates this image to 1852-1856, after the Palace was converted to offices. It also explains the zombies milling around, waiting for a trolley.

Philip Hone (1780-1851), New York’s indefatigable busybody one-year mayor (1826), was good friends with John Stevens. He was alarmed upon hearing that Stevens had leased land from Columbia on which to build a house. Hone strongly felt it should be maintained as a greenspace. He changed his tune after he saw the Grecian temple Stevens built.

Below is an 1845 rendering by Alex Davis of the interior of Stevens Palace, a glimpse into a rarified world. Roger Hale Newton described the house in his 1942 book, Town & Davis Architects, as a “splendid suite of drawing rooms reflected in long mirrors where more Corinthian columns lent an air of richness.” Philip Hone described its huge dining table thusly: “Twenty ladies and gentlemen, besides the host and hostess” could sit “around a table of sufficient capacity to accommodate them pleasantly and conveniently.” (The Diary of Philip Hone, 1828-1851) (Image courtesy of the New-York Historical Society)

It all seemed perfect, at first. Stevens Palace was a big hit as a party pad, about which New Yorkers gossiped liberally. Notorious society starmaker Ward McAllister (you remember him from HBO’s series The Gilded Age) noted Mrs. Stevens’ unusual preparation for her first ball: “A company of soldiers were called in to drill on the waxed floors to perfect them for dancing.” McAllister was so excited to be invited, he dropped $1,000 “on a fancy dress which I flattered myself was the handsomest and richest at the ball!” $1,000 in the 1840s was equivalent to $44,000 today. Must’ve been a helluva outfit. (Society As I Have Found It, 1890)

New York/DC society blabbermouth Marian Campbell Gouverneur (her husband Sam was President James Monroe’s grandson and a US ambassador to China) reported that Mrs. Stevens threw a gala ball in 1849 to which she invited many dead people, having neglected to keep her address book up to date. (As I Remember, 1911)

Mrs. Gouverneur’s husband Sam was good friends with John Stevens. They made an extravagant bet in 1835 about whether a man could run ten miles in an hour. The two went to a well-attended foot race at the Union Race Course in Queens, where Sam Gouverneur lost $1,300 ($49,000 in 2026 dollars) to John Stevens. (The Diary of Philip Hone, 1828-1851)

Party animal Philip Hone attended a Stevens Palace blowout in 1849. He reported in his infamous diary: “I was a guest at a splendid dinner to-day in Mr. John C. Stevens’s palace, College Place. The house is, indeed a palace. The Palais Bourbon in Paris, Buckingham Palace in London, and Sans-Souci at Berlin, are little grander than this residence of a simple citizen of our republican city, a steamboat builder and proprietor.” — February 3, 1849. (The Diary of Philip Hone, 1828-1851)

That may have been the last party at Stevens Palace. John and Maria had already buttonholed Alex Davis about remodeling their country retreat in South Amboy, NJ. Within three years of moving into Stevens Palace, they moved out.

By 1850 it had become a boarding house with at least six tenants. (Doggett 1850 New York City Directory) In 1851 it was a funeral parlor. When the trolleys arrived on College Place in 1852, clang-clang-clanging past Stevens Palace every few minutes, it was put on the market. There were no takers.

Yeah, that party was over.

What happened?

The neighborhood, that’s what. Charles Lockwood didn’t mince words about what befell the formerly elite enclave. College Place had turned into an immigrant slum, he wrote, with many inhabitants living in “broken down, dilapidated housing.” He noted that Church Street, the next street over, “had also begun to attract drunks and rowdies at night” and was “best known for its handsome brothels.” (Manhattan Moves Uptown: An Illustrated History, Charles Lockwood, 1976)

That might’ve been the end of it, had John Stevens not built his house on land belonging to someone else. His landlord Columbia moved uptown, leaving Stevens stuck with his lease on the abandoned campus. In 1853 Stevens Palace went to auction, along with the 21-year lease that went with it, which included options for two subsequent 21-year leases. Nobody wanted any of it. Would you?

Stevens Palace had become a pit of existential quicksand with no bottom. In their haste to flee, the Stevenses didn’t even take their furniture. Maria died in February 1855. In April, John Stevens auctioned off their stuff: Brussels and 3-ply ingrain carpeting, mahogany sofas, marble-top center tables, extension tables, bedsteads, beds, bedding, mattresses, washstands, toilet crockery. Everything.

In June 1855, the New York State census showed Stevens Palace was occupied by 89 boarders. The 1855 city directory shows professional tenants there as well — doctors, accountants, and such. There were 48 more boarders in Stevens’ building next door, 9 College Place.

He also leased space in the Palace to the US Government’s Southern District of New York for $16,000. SDNY used it for offices for the federal marshal, district attorney, and judges. No one was happy about it. On February 4, 1856, the Feds groused to the New York Tribune: “In consequence of the negligence of the last Board of Councilmen in not providing accommodations for the Judicial officers of the US Government for the Southern District of New-York, the US Marshal has by directions of the Secretary of the Interior, leased two houses, No’s. 9 and 10 College-place, where these important functionares [sic] will be located after May next. The site chosen is very inconvenient, being ten blocks from the Court Rooms, but we hear that it is the best that could be obtained.” The only thing they didn’t bitch about was prosecuting federal crimes while tripping over 137 boarders.

In 1855 John Stevens announced he’d be razing the Palace to build warehouses. In May 1856, part of the Stevens compound was demolished. The next year, Columbia sold its campus. John Stevens’ lots officially became history in January 1857. On June 10, so did John Stevens.

And that’s how it ended for one of the most eccentric, awesome residences ever realized by someone to whom money was no object.

I looked very, very hard for a photo of Stevens Palace. Apparently there’s none. And it isn’t because photography wasn’t a thing yet. It totally was. Famed Civil War photographer Matthew Brady’s first commercial studio opened a few blocks from Stevens Palace the year before it was built.

Many photos of old Columbia College exist, of course, all with Stevens Palace cropped out. Below is one from the 1850s that may show the backside of Stevens Palace (circled), but no promises. (Photo: New York Public Library) Click on the pic to see it bigger.

Alex Davis designed a vast number of buildings. He only designed three other houses with curved Corinthian porticos. One didn’t have a dome. One didn’t get built. They were smaller than Stevens Palace. Otherwise, they were nearly identical.

The most interesting part of their story, to be honest, is the clients. One was Henry Whitney of New Haven, son of the second-richest man in America. His story is in a separate post. Another was sugar baron and shipbuilder William Rhinelander (1790-1878). Third was Astoria real estate developer Peter Roach (1804-1877).

The 1836 Rhinelander and Roach designs differed slightly in porch details and not much else. Rhinelander’s porch was one story. Roach’s was two, as originally drawn. Rhinelander’s was supposed to be built at 1 Fifth Avenue in Manhattan. Roach built his first, directly across the road from the Rhinelanders’ country property in Astoria, Queens.

Not for nothing, but I doubt it’s a coincidence that Rhinelander bagged Davis’ Roach-alike design for one by architect Richard Upjohn. Below: The unbuilt Rhinelander manse by Davis.

Easily the most intriguing of the also-rans, Peter Roach’s was to be part of a groundbreaking planned community designed entirely by Alex Davis. Called Ravenswood, it would’ve been New York City’s first resort, situated on the East River in Queens where Socrates Sculpture Park is now. Peter was the project boss in partnership with his brother, Charles, and their bother-in-law, Samuel Throckmorton. The three men built exquisite mansions for themselves — model homes, essentially — on the site, but the Panic of 1837 put the kibosh on the rest of their construction plans.

Below are a tiny sketch of Peter Roach’s house from Alex Davis’ 1836 business journal (left, courtesy of the Greater Astoria Historical Society), with Davis’ drawing of William Rhinelander’s unbuilt (for Rhinelander) townhouse (image courtesy of The Metropolitan Museum of Art).

Alex Davis’ floor plan for Peter Roach’s house scrawled on a napkin in a bar (I’m guessing).

Davis’ work and materials order describe Roach’s 2-story villa as 43 feet square, substantially constructed with white pine timbers. The outside was wood clad, faux painted to resemble stone, “veined with blue or grey in imitation of Italian white marble” and detailed with cream-colored stone. Fun Faux Fact! Davis also used faux painting at Lyndhurst in Tarrytown, lots of it. Not because the owner, Mayor William Paulding, couldn’t afford the luxury material it imitated, but because the paint treatment cost more, and everyone knew it. And that was the point.

The 1879 Taylor map (below) shows Peter Roach’s front porch as a 1-story curved portico, just like Rhinelander’s. His back porch, according to the Davis memo, was “handsomely bronzed on roof and supports.” The front door — in fact, all the first-floor doors — were a lordly 9-1/2 feet tall.

Inside, the message was flat-out glamour: 11-foot ceilings on the first floor (library, dining, parlor), with 10-foot ones upstairs (five large bedrooms and a servant’s bedroom). The interior was decorated lavishly with molded stucco and varnished wood — cornices, pilasters, wainscoting, mantels, casings, the works. The windows were constructed with lozenge-shaped crown glass (a luxury item made by the same method as mirrors) and wooden shutters. The first-floor staircase was black walnut, the second floor’s was cherry. The parlor and library fireplaces had marble mantels, and the floors were Georgia white pine (a luxury hardwood in those days). The kitchen, located in the basement (only servants used kitchens then in homes of the wealthy), included a plumbed washroom and milk room with their own waste water drain and cistern — all very deluxe at the time. (Contractor memo courtesy of the New York Public Library)

Peter Roach lived in his fine Queens home until 1840. His house survived until 1893, the last year it appeared on a map before being demolished.

Fifty-seven years. No photos. All that survive are Davis’ floor plan, his copious instructions to Roach’s contractor, the teeny thumbnail sketch in his notebook, an 1880s photo of the house next door in which the intrepid viewer can discern (barely) one side of Peter Roach’s house, and Will Taylor’s smudgy little cartoon on his epic 1879 map of every building in NYC (below). Take the win. It’s all’s ya got.

So. Stevens Palace. The Roach ranch. Gone forever. And no photos at all. Seriously? WTF?

Alex Davis wondered about that, too. He was an artist and a genius. His buildings were his offspring. He lovingly drew them all. If he hadn’t, we wouldn’t be talking about him now. He was a prime mover the day New York City stopped looking like a medieval seaport and started looking like … well, Paris. Davis was his own best documentarian.

He once estimated he’d designed and built $75 million worth of buildings — $1.6 trillion in modern dollars — most of which met their demise in his lifetime. It was killing him. In Manhattan, the only verifiable Davis residences still standing are townhouses in Gramercy Park and Colonnade Row on Lafayette Street. His glorious standalone Manhattan mansions are all gone now. Few were photographed. Some may have crash-landed in photo archives, marked “unidentified.”

Back in 1856, upon hearing that a Murray Hill house he designed was being torn down to build a church, Davis rushed over to rescue a lovely spiral staircase he’d created for it. That house — Waddell Castle, built the same year as Stevens Palace — survived only slightly longer, eleven years. No photos of Waddell’s mansion exist, either. Its staircase, however, lived on in Davis’ own home.

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Carrie Bradshaw’s Apartment Still Drives Me Nuts

A Forensic Journey Through An Architecture Black Hole.
With Carrie Bradshaw?!


Copyright © 2025 SYDNEY SCHUSTER — All Rights Reserved

Listen, I like old buildings. I also like TV. And I like Alexander Jackson Davis. So you can imagine my unhinged delight upon discovering that Carrie Bradshaw’s newest HBO residence was designed by my rock’n‘roll mambo mashup architect hero!

Yes, I am an SATC fan. I’ll own that. Bite me. I’m an equally unapologetic fan of Alex Davis, wellspring of some of the most insanely eccentric, scrumptious American buildings of the 19th century. I’ve written about both before — Carrie’s previous Sex and the City apartment in my blog here, and three Davis houses in Queens, NY in my book Ravenswood: The Lost Paradise.

Carrie Bradshaw needs no introduction. For those who don’t know Alex Davis (1803-1892): He was an early entry in the America’s Greatest Architect sweepstakes, back when “American architect” was barely a career concept.

Same as with me and Carrie, Davis might’ve been a little full of himself. He claimed (correctly, if not humbly) that he introduced Greek Revival style to New York, in a row of houses on Bleecker Street.

Davis’ business cards called him an “architectural composer” and embellisher of letterpress works (translation: book illustrator).

He also was a writer, like myself and Carrie. He published the first-ever book of house patterns (with commentary, of course). He sometimes wrote about himself in the third person, like this in an 1867 autobiographical sketch regarding a civic competition: “Mr. Davis made a design for the NY Post Office, but it was not considered or examined by the Commission, in-as-much as he did not comply with the printed instructions.”

The New York Times gushingly called it “a magnificent circular colonnaded building” that looked “like a tiered cake.” Nevertheless, the mayor awarded the commission to Alfred Mullett, probably because he was the chief architect for the US Treasury and the mayor was sucking up. Davis was only the chief architect of Gotham. The Times called Mullett’s design an “architectural eyesore.” New Yorkers called it “Mullett’s Monstrosity.” The New York Sun published Davis’ angry open letter to the mayor calling it “a broken pile of costly vulgarity.”

Davis further derided Hizzoner for ignoring “the designer of more buildings than seem to have fallen to the lot of any other architect in America.” In his private journal, he admitted that “being almost the only architect at the time in NY City” kinda gave him “a prominence and influence possessed by [no] architect before or since.” He was not wrong, about any of it. Also, not shy. Me, I’m a sucker for a guy who makes me giggle.

Fun Literary Facts! Alex Davis, Carrie Bradshaw, and I are zero degrees of separation from the New York Times. Carrie suffered an existential meltdown when her book was reviewed by feared Times critic Michiko Kakutani, to whom I sold my favorite vintage Levi 501s when I couldn’t squeeze into them anymore. Alex, he got so torqued by the Times‘ political opinions that he fired off a letter to them about their cowardice, “rendered obvious by the debased architecture of your building.” Burn! Yes, they published it.

Davis soldiered onward, building fearlessly. He was the first American architect to use square columns, pilasters, oriels, towering vertical windows, distyle in antis facades, vertical board siding, and compositional asymmetry. He designed special furniture for his houses because of course he did. He called his distinctive architectural elements “Davisean” (a word helpfully invented by that little twerp himself). He’d mash up all kinds of styles he liked, without a care in the world that they were completely unrelated, and somehow always made it work. He designed a striking home for his own family in New Jersey, a house he called Wildmont (below), that was … well, round, which just wasn’t done at the time.

Anyway, Carrie Bradshaw did the same thing as Davis, but with clothes. She became famous for concocting fashion fairytales. Alex Davis became famous for concocting brick-and-mortar fairytales. In the end, isn’t the story always the designers?

Why yes, yes it is. Interestingly, neither starry-eyed lover of trash lit and finery was a sissy. Carrie and Davis were savagely judgy. Both smack-talked contemporaries whose work wasn’t up to their standards. Davis called John Kellum’s mansion for department store magnate A.T. Stewart (photo, below) “the most vulgar house in ostentatious vain show, and unmeaning ornament.” Davis hated James Renwick, with whom he co-created NYC’s Blackwell’s Island government installation in the 1830s, and later accused of stealing his design for NYC society mecca Grace Church. Davis’ college lectures took lesser New York architects to task for being “obviously familiar with the corrupt practices of modern Europe, and loving them for their very deformity.” His business daybook sometimes sounded like an angry teenaged girl’s diary, slamming American belle epoque architecture as “barbarous” and “depraved.” “The Jews’ Synagogue,” he sniped at the Moorish Revival extravaganza at Lex and 55th, “seems no more Christian than the Church of the Messiah, of Heavenly Rest, and others.” Alex Davis was the Larry Bird of elite 19th century builders.

He was also wicked talented. An artist by training, he learned drafting, too, and could expertly render perspective views of all kinds of stuff using fine art techniques. He instantly became the darling of important architects who loved his watercolors and lithographs of their buildings so much, they convinced him to join them. In 1829, when he was 26, Davis went to work with the renowned architect Ithiel Town, a pioneer in the Greek Revival style. Together they became the drivers of the neoclassical architecture movement in America.

When Town and Davis teamed up, Americans had for two centuries been in a colonial-minded fugue state, replicating the same old bathroom-free boxes their ancestors enjoyed in Europe. The Dynamic Duo gifted them a unique architectural vernacular. Roger Hale Newton, in his 1942 book Town & Davis, Architects, summed up the neoclassicism craze best: “Greek Revival in America produced the only satisactory adaptation of ancient models suitable for modern life. … [A]s a typical American citizen of the mid-19th century quite untouched by foreign travel and contacts, [Davis] was able to develop a style entirely indigenous to these shores.” Which is a nice way of saying that enough Americans hadn’t seen the Acropolis to reject it as a hot new look.

Davis went on to design a staggering number of buildings, including and certainly not limited to state capitols, the first big-city condo complex, the first suburban gated residential community, the US Custom House in NYC, and Ivy League monstrosities he impishly dubbed “Collegiate Gothic.” He offered clients a dizzying range of styles: Greek, Palladian, Tuscan, Egyptian, Pointed, Oriental, Gothic Revival, Hansel and Gretel, Scout Camp (I made up the last two names, but the styles were real), and one he called — no kidding — “Pliny’s Villa at Ostia.”

Some of his designs were shockingly modern, even by today’s standards. Below are Davis’ 1830s illustrations for a peristyle villa at Ravenswood (Avery Architectural and Fine Arts Library, Columbia University) and an apartment complex he called Cross-Block Terrace (Metropolitan Museum of Art).

Davis called his collection Picturesque. Or Romantic, depending on who was asking. Walden, Little Women, and Grimms’ Fairy Tales were bestsellers back then and Davis, the unabashed devotee of classic romance novels, was cranking out storybook houses his customers devoured like candy.

No one could compete (except the post office dude). And he knew it. Davis was a founding member of the American Institute of Architects. He started an agency to help artists sell their work. He was hot hottie hot, until the Panic of 1837.

Davis recovered from America’s first economic depression by designing plantation houses in the South and remodeling existing homes halfway to California. Then the Civil War fixed all that. He pivoted again, catlike, into exquisite small residential commissions the same way Frank Lloyd Wright did in the next century, when the Great Depression forced Wright to abandon luxury mansions for ingenious, accessible Usonian homes. I love that it wasn’t beneath Davis, someone known for his state capitols and hospitals, to market modest kit homes (as Wright, Lustron, and Sears Roebuck did a century later) and design gatehouses, boathouses, one-room schoolhouses, playhouses, farmhouses, and cozy rural cottages, all magical. In his day, Davis overwhelmingly proved himself America’s most versatile architect.

Photos above, left to right: Llewellyn Park Gatehouse, West Orange, NJ © 2025 Karen Bigos; New York Yacht Club Station 10 Clubhouse, Newport © 2025 The New York Yacht Club Foundation; Garrettson Schoolhouse © 1995 Rhinebeck NY Historical Society; Rose Cottage Playhouse, Tarrytown, NY © 2025 Lyndhurst Mansion; American Cottage No. 1, Rural Residences, Etc © 1837 Alexander Jackson Davis

Davis was to the 1800s what Frank Lloyd Wright was to the 1900s, and Frank Gehry was to the 2000s: a bona fide megastar. At least, he was until the Panic of 1873 wiped out America’s banks, railroads, insurance companies, and the fortunes of Davis’ wealthier clientele. That and the arrival of Victorian Gothic and French Empire (styles Davis loathed) sank his career for good, the same way desktop publishing ruined mine and Carrie’s. Davis retired in 1878.

Anyway, Carrie’s TV apartment in And Just Like That (the SATC sequel, for my readers in caves) supposedly exists inside Davis’ red brick jewelbox at 3 Gramercy Park West in NYC that he designed for his father, Cornelius (whom I hope everyone called “Corny”). No. 4 next door is its twin.

The Twins have their own TV-worthy story, of course. Construction of new housing around Gramercy Park, planned to start in the 1830s, fell victim to President Andrew Jackson’s ill-considered bank war that caused the Panic of 1837. Corny’s house got backburnered until 1843, twelve years after his death. And it got cloned. Originally there were four Corny houses. (Photo, below.) The Twins had twins!

A note: Two extant Gramercy Park houses — Numbers 16 and 17 — were designed by Alex Davis for developer Elihu Townsend in 1845. They’re still there, remodeled beyond recognition (Stanford White, born eight years after No. 16 was built, is typically attributed as its architect; No. 17 is now a college dorm). That leaves Colonnade Row, at 428-434 Lafayette Street, and Numbers 3, 4, and 5 Gramercy Park West as the only verifiable Alexander Jackson Davis residences that survive in Manhattan.

Gramercy Park was the brainchild of real-estate developer Samuel Ruggles, who in 1831 acquired part of a Manhattan farm owned by the heirs of James Duane, New York’s first mayor after the Revolutionary War. (Today the park is bounded by East 20th and East 21st streets, between Park Avenue South and Third Avenue.) Ruggles created a private park there and established a management trust. In 1843 he started selling 66 residential building lots around the park to developers. According to the Library of Congress’ Historic American Buildings Survey (HABS), No. 3 and No. 4 were bought by Gramercy Park trustee Norman White, who hooked up with Alex Davis, who unexpectedly had time on his hands. Many of his scheduled projects were scuttled by the Panic of 1837 — Brooklyn City Hall, the capitols of Illinois and Ohio, a hotel at West Point, a Long Island resort called Ravenswood. No pressure.

Ruggles and Davis had been talking about the park project in 1842 when Davis offered a proposal (below) showing three large detached mansions filling the western block. The post-panic economy being what it was, Ruggles instead decided to chop up the block into seven narrow lots to accommodate row houses.

It wasn’t Davis’ dream gig. Row houses weren’t his thing. But he warmed to the task, repurposing a 1920s Town & Davis storefront design with a grand stoop and fanciful, commercially available ironwork that had been delighting his New Haven and upstate New York clients.

While they weren’t palatial, they were by no means small. Numbers 3, 4, 5, and 6 were five stories high, 26 feet wide, and approximately 10,000 square feet. Each.

And with that, they became ground zero for a roiling confluence of opportunists: Sam Ruggles, desperate to recoup his $180,000 ($6.7M in 2025 dollars) investment in Gramercy Park; Norman White, hot to capitalize on the despair of others; Alex Davis, with a ready-to-build McMansion for his father that his father didn’t need anymore; and buyers who needed a place to live so badly, they’d actually buy a row house in the wilderness.

They had the last laugh. Gramercy Park’s pastiche of trendy dwellings became one of NYC’s most desirable neighborhoods. Numbers 3, 4, 5, and 6 in particular were irresistible — Greek Revival temples with artful New Orleans-style ironwork on their front porches that’s deservedly famous, much copied by New Yorkers back in Alex Davis’ time (below) and still admired today.

Architectural historian Charles Lockwood, in his seminal 1972 book Bricks & Brownstone: The New York Row House, 1783-1929, called The Twins’ porches “probably the finest remaining row house verandahs [to] survive,” employing “a full repertoire of Greek Revival motifs with a dazzling richness.” Davis just called it “honeysuckle,” but Lockwood assures us it “shaped row house architecture of the period.”

Below is a photo of No. 3 and No. 4 Gramercy Park, taken by E.P. MacFarland for the Library of Congress in 1934 when they were only 91 years old. Carrie still lived uptown then.

The first occupant of No. 3 (the Carrie house) was Elizabeth Smith Armistead (1805-1865) of New Bern, North Carolina. The New York City directory shows her living in No. 3 in 1843. She claimed to be the widow of one mysterious Richard A. Armistead (called “John” on their wedding license and “a lunatic” on her father’s FindAGrave page, where “John” is additionally described as confined to guardianship). Liz and Dick were married in 1811, when he was 20 years old and she was 6 (not a typo). Their daughter Susan Evelina Armistead was born four years later. You do the math.

The happy couple called Susan their daughter, although genealogy records call Susan and Elizabeth sisters. Richard died in 1826, when Elizabeth was 21 and he was in a straitjacket. He left $7,500 in cash to Susan and nothing to Elizabeth, who was in charge of administering Susan’s bulging trust fund so they bought a house and stuff with it. Susan married New York stock broker John Still Winthrop, Jr, who fell down dead in 1860 at age 48 upon returning from a visit to his in-laws. Hey, this family is like sausage: Looks good on a party platter, but you don’t want to know how it’s made.

New York/DC society gadfly Marian Campbell Gouverneur (her husband Sam was President James Monroe’s grandson and a US ambassador to China) attended Susan Armistead’s wedding party at 3 Gramercy Park West in 1847. Mrs. Gouverneur called Susan “an intimate friend” in her 1911 memoir As I Remember. She claimed the Armisteads’ fireplaces were equipped with coal-burning grates for heat, because “furnaces, by the way, were then unknown.” Not exactly. 16 Gramercy around the corner, built two years before Mrs. Gouverneur’s visit to No. 3, had a furnace that powered a central heating system.

Mrs. Gouverneur was just smack-talking the Armisteads. She also claimed their house was built on a graveyard. Fun Fashion Snark! Mrs. Gouverneur said Mrs. DeWitt Clinton attended the Armistead wedding party, too, wearing a dress two decades out of style.

Funny thing: The Armisteads’ house wasn’t built on a graveyard, but the Harpers next door owned a much-blathered-about country home in Hempstead that was adjacent to a church cemetery. Mrs. Gouverneur got stuff mixed up a lot. The Twins likely did have central heat, as well as modern toilets and hot and cold water taps. That’s what No. 7 at the end of the block had, according to its materials specs. It was an 1846 mansion Alex Davis designed with “cast iron registers, of ornamental patterns,” suggesting ducted forced-air heat.

Colonnade Row, a West Village condo development Davis worked on in 1833, had central heat and hot and cold running water a dozen years earlier. Croton Reservoir went online in 1842; 16 Gramercy had city water in 1845, which means the Twins probably did, too. No. 4 had a huge coal bin and a boiler pit in its cellar, so it easily could’ve had a furnace or steam heat. In 19th-century NYC, a mix of systems was common, with furnace or radiator heat coexisting with coal- and wood-burning fireplaces. Some Davis houses had natural-convection cooling systems, too. A recent real estate listing for an apartment in No. 3 showed one fine old marble fireplace with — ta da! — a coal grate (below, photo Corcoran). Just like Mrs. Gouverneur said!

The Armisteads didn’t stay long. Their house was empty in 1855, according to the NY state census. Elizabeth and her mother had challenged the will of her obscenely wealthy late brother-in-law, Hardy Bryan Croom, in a 20-year legal battle they won in 1857. The Armisteads retired immediately to their new 6,184-acre plantation in Florida. Fast forward to 1939, when No. 3 was bought by architect Eugene Schoen, who proudly announced he was carving it up into two apartments per floor with kitchenettes. As of this writing, it’s been upgraded to (depending on your source) four, five, seven, or nine luxury apartments.

Elizabeth Armistead’s counterpart in No. 4 next door was New York City’s first Republican mayor and founder of Harper-Collins Publishing, James Harper (1795-1869). He was a wildly unpopular prohibitionist who closed NYC’s bars and fired all the Irish on the city payroll, thereby ensuring he never got another term. His second wife Julia Ann Thorne Harper (1821-1902) moved into No. 4 in 1844. Hizzoner still lived with his first wife, Maria Arcularius Harper, on Rose Street and didn’t move into No. 4 until after her death in 1847, well after his one-year mayoral term ended. Whatever you do, don’t google Julia Ann Thorne.

Fun Incest Fact! James Harper and one of his sons married their aunt (but not the same one).

Family Fun Facts! None of James Harper’s obituaries mentions Julia or their three children. FindAGrave didn’t mention her until I wrote about the omission in this post. Ouch!

Fun Career Fact! James Harper was a trustee of the Nautilus Insurance Company. Its primary product — slave life insurance — was as disgraceful as its business practices. The company was sued for cheating investors out of dividends, and had to rebrand by partnering with New York Life as its marine division. Harper was still a trustee when New York Life dumped Nautilus for flagrant improprieties.

Due to the dubious historical importance of the Harper home, some nice archival photos exist in the HABS collection at the Library of Congress. For this (and not much else) we have Mayor Harper to thank.

No. 4 remained in the Harper family until 1923, when it was sold to Frederick C. Hodgdon, a partner at the educational book publisher Ginn & Co. He lived at No. 4 until his death in 1946. His wife, history author Jeannette Rector Hodgdon, lived in No. 4 until her death in 1952. Forgotten New York says the house was reconfigured into seven apartments in 1953.

No. 3 and No. 4 were the first houses built in Gramercy Park, according to city directories. The Twins were assembled under strict supervision by the architect, and always had different owners after Norman White. This assures us that any elements in them that match are original from 1843-44, as specified by Alex Davis in copious notes that probably drove everyone else nuts and have since disappeared. The Twins’ elegant staircases and Greek pilasters are perfect examples. Having twin antique structures to compare for identical attributes is a priceless opportunity. Below: Matching staircases in No. 3 (left) and No. 4 Gramercy Park West.

By the time No. 5 and No. 6 were built, Alex Davis had moved on. No. 6 wasn’t occupied until 1855, by merchant Robert T. Woodward. The house was demolished in 1912 to build an apartment building.

No. 5 is stll there. Its first occupant was Eben B. Crocker, a Gramercy Park trustee and owner of Crocker and Warren, Merchants, a shipping business on Broadway. The Crocker family moved into No. 5 in 1850. From 1880-1915 it was the home of John G. Hone, Jr., governor and VP of the New York Stock Exchange. The building was separated into apartments in the 1920s. The porch and its decorative ironwork disappeared, but were replaced in 2013. The interior isn’t as high-octane as its siblings’, and may always have looked different from them. But it’s nice enough, and the restored verandah is mahvelous! (Photos below © 2022 Billy Wilson/Flickr left and © 2014 Streeteasy)

More recently, No. 4 was restored to single-family status by architect-owners who zhuzzed it up nicely. We’ll visit later. Spoiler alert: Wowzers!

No. 3, the Twin with “Carrie’s apartment,” got a facelift, too, although it remains broken up into apartments. One report says five; another, nine.

And now the fun starts.

In 2024 The Corcoran Group listed the parlor floor of real No. 3 for rent, describing it as “a gut renovation” with “original wood burning marble fireplaces” and “Corinthian pilasters … seamlessly blending the old and new.” Just $25,000/month! With the option to rent it furnished and decorated with “art from well-known artists” for an extra $4,500/month. All rightey.

You may have noticed (who wouldn’t?) that the TV house has loads of fancy plasterwork, floral appliques, dramatic arched passageways, stained glass, carved pillars that seem to move and occasionally disappear, and front doors that keep changing. Sometimes the view out the front windows is the park; sometimes it’s buildings. That confused the dreamer in me, who’d hoped the inside of Carrie’s townhouse was really the inside of No. 3, or at least a reasonable facsimile. The editor in me, who has lived in geriatric wrecks for fifty years, couldn’t help but wonder: How did all the original plaster somehow survive a gut reno?

Short answer: It didn’t. HBO’s depiction of No. 3’s interior — the white-on-white Twilight Zone version with stick-on stained glass and stairs that launch users directly into a wall — bears no resemblance to what’s actually there, which in turn bears almost no resemblance to how Alex Davis left it in 1843. That’s because Carrie’s TV townhouse is a set, probably in Long Island City, made from stuff anyone can get on the internet. Mr. Davis would hate it. He humbly begs you to note that the decorative elements are high Parisian style, not Davisean Greek Revival. Ptooey!

Below: Some photos of the real No. 3 and the TV version of it.

Architectural Digest posted a very nice video tour of the new set, carefully explaining absolutely everything, almost. It answers most questions (although not “How come sometimes there’s a powder room next to the kitchen, but sometimes it’s a bar?” and how do the tenants on the top two floors get into them?).

THE REAL NUMBER 3

Below is the real No. 3 (“Carrie’s apartment”), with its fancy Davisean pilasters showcased with the love they deserve, by interior designer Antonio Matres. Kudos to Matres for his tasteful rescue in a building chopped up into a hundred apartments because you know how THAT trainwreck looked. (JK — the four I’ve seen are very nice.) Photo © 2019 Antonio Matres Design

Ceilings. I noticed No. 3’s parlor-level plaster ceilings described several times by various observers as original. Works for me. They are beautiful. Here they are now:

Kitchens. No. 3 and No. 4 Gramercy Park have to-die-for, top-of-the-line modern kitchens now. If Alex Davis could see them he’d grudgingly concede they’re nice, after rolling his eyes and pronouncing them insufficiently Davisean. (HBO set photo below left © 2025 Architectural Digest. Real No. 3 kitchen, photo right, © 2019 Antonio Matres Design.)

The garden apartment. Most bougie city homes of Davis’ era had their kitchens in the basement, as they were only used by household staff. The location of No. 3’s first kitchen was probably what’s currently called the “garden apartment.”

As everyone knows by now, No. 3’s garden apartment has taken on an alt life of its own in And Just Like That, as the home of author Duncan Reeves, Carrie’s new fixer-upper project. He’s helping her write a romance novel. About herself. In 1846. Free editorial advice, Carrie: Please put the Armisteads in it! It’s not very good. It’s not very good. It’s not very good.

The real garden apartment at No. 3, like everything above it, bears no resemblance whatsoever to its TV counterpart. (Real No. 3 garden apartment photo, below left,© 2025 StreetEasy.com. HBO set photo, right, © 2025 Architectural Digest.)

As for everything that’s not original in The Twins, it’s okay. These babies are 185 years old. We should all look so good at that age.

Admittedly, there’s something ballsy about Alex Davis cramming the Parthenon into an East Side row house living room. When he showed the design to his father, Corny probably said, “Get your foot off the pedal, son! FFS I’m a printer!”

The Greek Revival pilasters originally appeared on both sides of a double wall that’s actually a garage for two massive wooden sliding doors. Or as Davis called it, a columnar screen wall. Basically, it created a modular room. Though known in Europe for centuries, it was probably Davis who introduced the concept to America. It quickly became fashionable in 19th century NYC homes. Ostensibly it was a space-saving device, although it’s arguable how much of that was necessary in mansions. Davis’ dramatic solution in search of a problem nearly always involved pilasters. It was possibly his favorite obsession, the same way Miranda Hobbes’ was gossip tabloids. “I love it, it’s my thing. Let it go,” she said. Davis would agree. Below are examples of his innovative sliding doors, including one he designed all the way back in 1830. Click on the pic to see them better.

Below are Davis’ original Corinthian pilasters in both Twins with their moldings intact (No. 4’s with foliage, No. 3’s without). HABS describes the pilaster material as a combination of wood and compo (a sawdust and glue mixture, compo was also used for doll heads because of its fine moldability and relative indestructibility). Click the photos for a close-up view. Yummo!

Below: Two Davis capitals. 4 Gramercy Park 1844, left, and the US Custom House, 28 Wall Street, NYC 1834, right. Photos HABS

It’s both a compliment and a curse how quickly Greek Revival fever infected everything when Davis unleashed it. Columns appeared everywhere. As Americans swooned, their Corinthian capitals increasingly resembled exploding produce. Meanwhile, Davis stuck with his classical arrangement of collard greens and ragweed (above).

That’s easy. It should look exactly like 4 Gramercy Park West.

I’ve seen many, many, MANY New York City townhouses, possibly all of them, and this is one of my all-time faves. Full stop. And with that I invite you to slobber over 4 Gramercy Park West, the mirror image of its modernized-beyond-recognition sibling next door where you’re supposed to think Carrie lives.

4 Gramercy Park West is extraordinary. Personally, I don’t care who ruined it in the past because HOLY CRAP WILL YA LOOK AT IT NOW??? Aye yai yai!

The photo above shows the restored living room. The architraves, cornices (photo below, © 2024 Christiane Duncan), parquet floor, and decorative molded ceiling are the originals, as far as I know, and not some new crap from Amazon. What an exquisite confection! I could eat this room with a spoon.

The baroque French fireplace, while not original, is fun and looks antique. Griffins! Scary faces! Vague generic heraldry! (Or as Mr. Davis would say, “It’s not my taste. Got any pot?”)

Below are more pics of No. 4’s front-parlor fireplaces. Left: the Jacobean marble fireplace HABS drew in 1934, probably the original and since replaced. Center: a very similar one in Lyndhurst Mansion built by Davis in 1838. Right: the one in place as of 2024, installed sometime between 1965 and 2016. (Fun Hippie Fact! A 1965 photo of Bob Dylan in this room shows him standing next to a wooden surround that resembles none of these. Don’t even ask.)

Now here’s another bonbon (below). No. 4’s salon looks like a Renaissance hope chest. Much more on this beauty later. Photo © 2024 SEA-DAR Construction

No. 4’s parlor floor is a vast expanse (at least 75 feet long) comprising three adjoining rooms: the living room (next to the main entrance, the library (in the center, home of the pilasters), and the salon (rear of the house).

The living room. This level has been subjected to many modifications over the decades, most recently by SPAN Architecture. The living room’s rococo mantle and wall paneling (below) were installed sometime after 1934. (HABS shows plaster there previously.) The wallpaper, a recent addition (with monkeys!), is perfection. Photo © 2024 Architectural Digest

The library. As recently as 2016 the walls of the next room, called the library, were covered with water stains from trick plumbing and a failing roof (according to AD). Somehow, what is probably the original plaster ceiling with its splendid molded friezes and cornices survives, along with the beautiful carved door casings, all of which appear in the 1934 HABS report. Photo below © 2016 Douglas Elliman.

The library’s marble mantle matches the 1934 HABS drawing exactly, shown below alongside a 2016 photo of it by Douglas Elliman.

The salon. The third room, which the Harpers called the dining room and the current owners call the salon (below), underwent an extensive rescue. It’s said to have been remodeled by the famous architect Stanford White. I will gleefully challenge this assertion momentarily.

The salon has been through a lot: painted, stripped, buried under kitchen appliances and cabinetry and more paneling, unburied, partially gutted, reconfigured, reglazed, and opened up to overlook a new atrium. Today it’s a feast, especially with a century and a half of paint stripped off and light pouring in.

The salon now looks much as it did 140 years ago. The 1883 book Artistic Houses by Gilded Age interior design chronicler David James King contains a photo (below) of No. 4’s salon as it appeared then. It looked the same as it does now, except for the mirrored overmantle that was removed sometime after 1934 — an unlikely fate for a precious Stanford White artifact, but just what you’d expect for something from the architect everyone forgot. King, by the way, made no mention of White.

See the atomic day-glo wall coverings in the unpaneled spaces on the window wall? King described them as “illuminated, embossed leather” in “golden bronze tints.” Whatever this crap is, Davis didn’t install it; in 1883 it would’ve been coated in smoke film from 40 years of gas lights and fireplace soot and cigars. (Yes, Lyndhurst has mad-decorated walls, but they’re plaster painted to mimic stone and wallpaper, not this Blazing Saddles shit.) If the “embossed leather” was actually Lincrusta (a molded wallcovering made of sawdust and linseed oil, sample below), it was installed in 1877 or later. It was quite popular at the time. Anything was popular that people could slap over cracking plaster. Mercifully, whatever it was is gone now.

Out of frame in King’s 1883 photo is a gracefully curved opening (shown below, right) that looks like a 16th century proscenium arch — something Davis designed for theater sets as a teen while living in Virginia with his older brother, a printer whose avocation was acting. Davis used arches often in his builds. No. 4’s includes a new balustrade with vintage-looking spindles carefully duplicated from originals on the staircase. Nice touch!

The windows. I will fight anyone who says the salon’s spectacular leaded glass window wall (shown below and in the 1883 photo) wasn’t devised by Davis. The glass part was replaced after the photo below was taken in 2016. Nearly everything else in the room remains except for the light fixtures, overmantle, engraved firebox marble, and archway paneling. (Photo: © 2016 Douglas Elliman)

The glass doors above are signature Davisean. His vertical system was often a construct of smaller panes for windows stacked over larger ones for doors, with a wide separator between them. Three examples below, from left to right: 4 Gramercy Park; Colonnade Row on Lafayette Street in Manhattan; Oakes Ames house in North Easton, MA. (Photos: © 2016 Douglas Elliman; © 2025 Google; © 2025 Sydney Schuster)

The photos below show a distinctive Davis detail: identical narrow glass inserts in (left) No. 4’s wndow wall and (right) the 1854 Oakes Ames house in North Easton, MA. (Photos: © 2017 Douglas Ellliman; © 2025 Sydney Schuster)

No. 4’s glass doors were messed around with over the years. The 2016 real estate photo (above, left) clearly shows them, but the 1883 photo and 1934 HABS floor plan show only windows there. The 1883 photo shows what looks like a solid run of paneling from the floor to the sills, all the way across. The doors were probably blocked to keep the Harpers’ drunk guests from taking a header into the backyard, many feet below. Similarly blocked doors exist at the Ames house in North Easton, MA (below, photos © 2025 Sydney Schuster).

Easter eggs. I don’t know for a fact that No. 4’s salon wall paneling was installed in 1844. My guess is yes except for the section in what was once an open archway. In the photos below, you can see that the archway paneling (right) was assembled completely differently from the fireplace-wall paneling (left) on the opposite wall. (Photos: Douglas Elliman 2017)

The archway paneling had joins in weird places and didn’t match the other panels in size or alignment. The top trim and baseboard trim didn’t match, either.

What up with that? Answer: secret doors. This part may have been an “improvement” by architect Edwin H. Denby (1872-1957). He lived in No. 4 between 1951 and 1956. Denby designed the first Brooklyn Children’s Museum (1908 photo below, courtesy Wikimedia). Like No. 4’s janky arch paneling, Denby’s museum isn’t around anymore.

Anyway, the arch in No. 4’s salon (HABS shows a solid wall there in 1934) was blocked long ago to hide a galley kitchen shoehorned into a space that corresponds to a hallway in No. 3. The kitchen’s doors were at either end (1934 diagram below, left). Sometime between then and 2016, doors appeared in the archway wall to allow direct kitchen access from the dining room. It probably seemed like a good idea at the time. Too bad the carpenter was a hack.

The 2016 floor plan and photo from Douglas Elliman (below, center and right) show a full-size hidden door on the far left side of the archway and a smaller service window for pushing food out to the dining room.

The kitchen is gone now, but still had its original Davisean back door in 2016, of the same design as the salon’s glass window wall. It opened onto a balcony with a stairway leading to the backyard. (Photo, below.)

I’m eternally grateful to SPAN Architecture for liberating us from this hot mess. The salon’s restored wooden window surround and archway are richly detailed treasures that mirror each other. They’re beautiful. Or as Mr. Davis would say, “You couldn’t save the back doors? Oh.”

Paneling design. The rest of the salon’s woodwork probably dates to Davis. His big mansions often featured elaborate paneling. He typically didn’t spec wall paneling for his smaller houses, but when he did, he knocked it out of the park. The 1854 Oakes Ames house in North Easton, MA, is smaller than No. 4 and has gorgeous floor-to-ceiling oak and mahogany paneling in its parlor, library, and dining room. (Ames parlor, below, photo © 2025 Sydney Schuster)

Like Mr. Ames, Mayor Harper could afford it. Harper’s might’ve been created by Davis for Corny, and languished in storage until Davis seduced Harper into buying it with an alluring architectural rendering. Davis relied on master cabinetmaker Richard H. Byrnes of White Plains for woodwork (including furniture, vergeboards, ribbed ceilings, built-in display niches, and complete libraries), which contributes significantly to making Davis houses identifiable. Harper’s paneling resembles the distinctive design used on many Davis doors, with panels arranged in squares and rectangles of three different sizes in four rows. Below are examples. From left to right: No. 4’s salon wall; a door in Edgewater, Barrytown, NY; a door in the Oakes Ames house, North Easton, MA; a door in Locust Grove, Poughkeepsie, NY. (Photos: © 2017 Douglas Ellliman; HABS; © 2025 Sydney Schuster; © 2026 LGNY.Org)

The juxtaposition of three sizes of blocks in No. 4’s salon repeats horizontally, too. It’s clearly visible in HABS’ 1934 drawing, below.

These sophisticated block arrangements wrap all the way around No. 4’s salon. (Photo, below, © 2017 Douglas Ellliman)

What about that fireplace? Original? Or nope? I’m going with original from 1844. Don’t argue with me. The marble slab above its firebox, visible in the 1883 photo, was engraved “’Tis home where the hearth is,” a pun on the 1829 hit poem “’Tis home where the heart is.” It more likely was placed there by Davis, a sentimental sap who loved classic romantic literature, than by Stanford White, who roofied teenagers.

Below is No. 4’s mantle (far left) with three other Davis extravaganzas for comparison. The overmantles of the second (Castlewood) and fourth (Byerly-Kerr) are quite similar to No. 4’s. Spindles. Brackets. Carved flora. Beveled rectangular mirrors. The bottom half of the third one (Malbone House) looks especially similar to No. 4’s, with its raised panels and Big Important Box Sticking Out Into The Room attitude. Note the teeny pilasters everywhere. Click on the pic to see everything better.

Photos above, left to right: No. 4 in Artistic Houses, 1883; Castlewood in Llewellyn Park, 1857, © 2025 Realtor.com; Malbone in Newport, 1848, HABS; Byerly-Kerr in Llewellyn Park, 1868, © 2025 Zillow.

It’s worth noting another distinctive touch in the salon that screams Davis: a rectangular panel with radiating moldings. The images below show this motif repeated on the overmantle (visible in the 1883 photo and 1934 HABS drawing), a wooden door on the opposite wall, and the glass wall’s storage niches. It appears frequently in UK homes built centuries earlier. Davis was a Tudor fanboy. He straight-up said Henry VII’s style was his inspo for Lyndhurst.

Stars of Davis. Let’s talk No. 4’s floors. These glorious jumbles of complicated parquet are quite stunning. The 6-pointed star motif with a twisty border (below, photo Douglas Elliman) appears in the living room and library. It is spectacular.

Davis liked 6-pointed stars. Below are some with a wild border in his 1859 Davenport House in New Rochelle, NY. (Photo © Realtor.com) Click any of these pics to see them better.

No. 4’s salon floor (below) has a monotone Greek cross design with a contrasty Greek key border that references the ironwork on the front porch. This floor looks (depending on who’s doing the looking) like one in Versailles or an antique granny quilt. Intricate parquet continues undisturbed from one end of No. 4’s parlor level to the other.

Davis loved parquet of crazyass Escher-like geometric puzzles, often punctuated by starkly contrasting doojiggers. Below are examples in Lyndhurst, Davenport House, and a basketweave parquet in 3 Gramercy (far right) that’s also used in Castlewood, a mansion Davis designed in 1858 in Llewellyn Park, NJ. To see these better, click on the photos.

Davis carefully considered every square inch when designing his buildings. Look at his serpentine staircase in the Octagon on Roosevelt Island, NYC (below, left), and whatever the hell this other thing is at Ericstan in Tarrytown.

Davis made the most utilitarian things way more beautiful than they had to be to do their jobs. Below are a wildly flashy tile floor in the 1854 Litchfield Villa, Brooklyn, walked on by gazillions of trogs (photo © 2026 Bridge and Tunnel Club), and a wildly flashy fireplace in the 1854 Munn’s Castle in Utica, NY. You know it gets cold in Utica; this masterpiece wasn’t just for show (photo © 2024 Utica Observer-Dispatch).

Davis’ wooden cornices are fabulous, too. Below are three examples.

Below: Gallery cornice at Lyndhurst. Note it has the same flowers seen all over No. 4’s salon and mini-corbels like the Ames parlor’s. (Photo © 2025 Joaco1971/Tripadvisor)

Alex Davis was an artist whose medium happened to be buildings. You saw his carvings, his archways, his porches. You’ll recall his fantastical orbital buildings that were the scandales du jour. If something “wasn’t done” in those days, Davis joyously stomped on démodé expectations. Like ancient Greek architects and Renaissance artists, he deployed principles of dynamic symmetry — a particularly exquisite aspect of his floors, ceilings, paneling, and stairways. His facades of 3, 4, 5, and 6 Gramercy were more subtle creations: dignified studies in forced perspective, with windows that decrease in size as you look up to create an exagerrated sense of height. This design became the prototype for most of the brownstones in New York City.

And now, that ceiling!

One of the best parts of No. 4 is the salon’s ceiling. David James King admiringly described it as paneled in oak, and all the other wood in the room as “mahogany of a deep, rich tone.” Not very long ago, the same woodwork was tragically slathered in white paint. Charming.

To their credit, No. 4’s current owners enlisted the services of Carlton House, a NYC antique furniture restorer who saved the whole salon. The ceiling is once again a wood-toned festival of beautiful carvings and marquetry. Good job! (Photos below, © 2016 Douglas Ellliman and © 2024 Architectural Digest.)

The ceiling is a faithful recreation of the 1883 one, combining salvaged and new parts (the underlying boards probably disintegrated long ago — in old houses, ceilings are always the first thing to go). The ceiling in the 1883 photo is probably original from 1844. Alex Davis did do awesome wood-paneled ones. The photo below left shows the master bedroom of his 1848 Godfrey Malbone house in Newport, RI. It features the exact same grid design that repeats on No. 4’s salon ceiling. Look closely and you’ll see rosettes like the ones around No. 4’s salon. Photo right is the portico ceiling at the 1854 Oakes Ames House in North Easton, MA. Click on the picture to see the details better. (Photos: © 2015 Providence Journal, © 2025 Sydney Schuster)

The photos below show wooden ceilings at Lyndhurst and Davenport House. Click on the photos to see them better.

Personally, I think most of what you see in No. 4’s salon is original. I think Elizabeth Armistead moved in next door a year sooner than Julia Harper moved into No. 4 because Julia got held up by a buttload of complicated custom carpentry and hand-soldered glass. There’s no wooden paneling or leaded glass on the parlor level of No. 3.

Everything in No. 4’s salon suggests Davis, while nothing resembles the aesthetic of Stanford White. White wasn’t a detail-obsessed curator or sophisticated sequencer. He was a random compiler. And had he so much as farted in the Harpers’ dining room, David James King would’ve announced it with a bullhorn.

After studying White’s handiwork for an inordinate amount of time that I’ll never get back, I say with confidence that the abomination below is typical of Stannie’s idea of klassy paneling. (Photo of Henry William Poor’s house at 1 Lexington Avenue, courtesy of the Museum of the City of New York)

I’d apologize for going on for so long about Stanford White, but I hate that guy. He was a pedophile, a philanderer, and a rapist venerated worshipfully (still!) for mediocre contracting. People of Earth — stop already! In 1905 this creep was $500,000 in debt ($18.4 million in 2026 dollars) from risky margin investments in the stock market. He hadn’t paid his rent in years when he claimed he lost $200,000+ worth of irreplaceable art in what was clearly an arson fire. An unidentified friend of White’s who was probably White assured the Times it was “one of the finest collections of its kind in the world,” which included Holbein paintings of Henry VIII (actually a Christoph Amberger portrait of a nobleman) and Edward VI (actually a copy of the Holbein original in the British Royal Collection), and “a number of tapestries” belonging to Charles T. Barney, president of the Knickerbocker Trust Company Bank that collapsed two years later, causing the Panic of 1907. (Fun Fact! Barney said no tapestries of his were in Stan’s Atelier de Merde.)

About the February 12, 1905 fire: The six-story factory building on West 30th Street was occupied by printers, typesetters, an art manufacturer (whatever that means), a carriage builder, and Stan White’s Eurojunk on the top floor. A hundred people worked in the building, but on the day of the fire (a Friday) only 27 came to work; none were on the third floor where the windows blew out at 1:45 pm from explosions the New York World reported as gasoline fueled. The building burned and collapsed, miraculously without fatalities but with $100,000 in property damage, according to the fire department. Which leaves one wondering why they weren’t counting White’s $200,000 priceless art collection.

Coincidentally, three weeks later there was another fire, this time at Madison Square Garden — a financial failure built by Stanford White where he maintained a personal apartment. Hundreds of people were leaving a show at 10:30 pm on March 7 when the fire broke out. There were no casualties, but the Garden sustained $50,000 in damages. And in a non-fire coincidence, the district attorney’s office revealed in July that White had been blackmailed by William d’Alton Mann, publisher of a scandal publication called Fads and Fancies, in exchange for not exposing something or other that White was actually ashamed of doing.

Anyway, White was dying of Bright’s disease and TB. He was in urgent need of great steaming gobs of cash, and he was running out of time.

It so happened there was a crime syndicate called the Arson Trust whose racket was setting fires for insurance money. They conveniently brokered generous policies for their customers (including customers who didn’t legally qualify — strangers’ children, store dummies) who didn’t even have to prove they had property to insure. Then the Trust dispatched firebugs, as they were called, to light a match. Policy holders received enormous payouts that were shared among the parties. The Arson Trust was eventually tried for starting 360 fires in New York City. The district attorney believed 38,198 fires were actually attributable to the Trust from 1910-1913, including the 1911 Triangle Shirtwaist Fire in which 146 garment workers died.

“Coincidence takes a lot of planning,” says famous American spy Malcolm Nance about players like White. Famous American libertine Samantha Jones just says “His problem is he’s an asshole.”

As with White’s “Holbeins” and other irreplaceable fire casualties, there’s no documentation proving his epic Stanfordization of No. 4’s salon was much more than anecdotal. Moreover, those anecdotes conflict:

And now, behold the legendary “Stanford White Dining Room Remodel.” The orange-highlighted parts in David James King’s 1883 photo below denote White’s $350 reno, according to McKim, Mead, and White’s records. Only the holes from the corner shelves remain today.

As long as we’re casting aspersions, some of the woodwork above the fireplace (highlighted in the photo below) looks sketchy as hell. If I’m correctly reading David James King’s dark and blurry photo, which is probably that way on purpose, much of the uppermost woodwork comprises unmeaning ornament (as Mr. Davis would say) that doesn’t match anything else in the fireplace surround, or in the room, and was banished to the curb before HABS arrived in 1934 to document the house. The six vertical wooden elements in King’s 1883 photo are all different from each other. The Italian Renaissance support devices in the lower corners look incongruously like metal; they aren’t supporting anything, they’re just stuck on, and they’re a different style from everything else in the house. One is missing. (HABS shows four.) They’re topped by what looks like a carousel of disembodied cherub heads. Alex Davis didn’t design this part of the overmantle. He wasn’t a decapitated baby heads kind of guy. White was, but he didn’t design this, either. The Harpers went to heroic lengths to hide whatever this is behind a huge collection of tacky tchotchkes.

All that being said, the overmantle wallpaper with ribbons and flowers that’s hidden behind junk may be attributable to Davis. It reiterates the ribbons and flowers on the pocket door pilasters in the library that we know Davis installed. (Photos below David James King 1883 and HABS 1934)

That walllpaper and the impressionist botanical mural above it may both be original. I’ve seen several Davis fireplaces with picturesque wallpaper applied above them. Below is an example from 1833 at 432 Lafayette in Colonnade Row. (Photo: Museum of the City of New York)

I still stand by every disparaging thing I said about the Lincrusta. Uh, I mean the “golden bronze-tinted embossed leather.” I shall now gather my aspersions and move on.

I once had an 1880s overmantle similar to the one in No. 4 Gramercy. Every time I walked by, part of it fell off. The combined effect here strongly suggests a quick trip to the Re Store occurred before David James King’s arrival at the Harper house in 1883. It’s entirely possible the Harpers told him Stan White was the genius behind their dining room, and King looked around and thought “Nah.”

Here’s what I think happened. In late 1879 the Harpers buttonholed the flavor of the month — White — for a redecorating estimate. I’m sure his quote dwarfed their means, so they settled for a few hit-and-run fixes. Then they let James Harper Jr, the 24-year-old architect son who lived with his mommy, hide their cracking plaster behind Lincrusta and random sticks and tacky pottery, and then the Harpers lied to everyone about how their dining room got that way.

Here’s the thing: Stanford White was traveling in Europe during all of 1878 and most of 1879. Upon his return on September 6, he immediately partnered with architects Charles McKim and William Mead and was engulfed by the clusterf∪ck that was a monument to Civil War hero Admiral David Farragut.

Farragut’s the guy who blurted the immortal “Damn the torpedoes. Full speed ahead!” And so they did. Sculptor Augustus Saint-Gaudens designed his statue. White was to design the ginormous base, but also got stuck raising funds for it. His time was monopolized by Saint-Gaudens, Frederick Law Olmsted, and the NYC Parks Commission, all being dragged in every direction by flipflopping patrons led by Wall Street banker/former Assistant US Treasurer/eminent cheapskate John J. Cisco. Meanwhile, two more huge projects — the Newport Casino and J. Pierpont Morgan’s family tomb — somehow got crammed into White’s busy schedule. Cisco kept changing his mind about financing. Morgan accused White of rigging contractor bids. By December 1879, White had no time to design, source, and supervise the Harper dining room’s breathtaking custom carpentry and leaded-glass window wall. Ask Alex Davis.

My point (and I do have one) is this: From 1879-1900, when Stanford White allegedly revamped No. 4’s salon, the house was stuffed with transients (see The Ick Factor, next) and White was a superstar in the prestigious architectural firm McKim, Mead, and White. The last of the Harper publishing founders (Fletcher) had died in 1877; the company immediately fell into financial distress, and mad money for Julia Harper was nonexistant. It’s highly unlikely she paid the most expensive architect in town to glam up her ancient SRO, nor was an obnoxious snob like White gonna Oosterhouse her dump. He was too busy designing statues of war heroes and Gilded Age palaces for robber barons and banging everything in sight.

Julia wasn’t rich. She had $3,000 worth of personal property (including cash) when she died in 1902. Four years earlier Stanford White sold some used paneling to someone else — former Secretary of the Navy William C. Whitney, for $49,500, which was more than Julia’s whole house was worth. In the 1850 census it was valued at $12,000, and by1907 it was worth $3,000, which is all the Harpers got when they mortgaged it because they needed money. I don’t think Julia was in a financial position to buy much of anything from Stanford White, ever.

Carrie Bradshaw would of course call No. 4’s salon “very Stannie,” but the NYC Landmarks Commission demurs, stating “few works in the City … can be directly attributed” to White. Wikipedia cites fifteen, none of them this one. Many books state that White redecorated lots of homes around Gramercy Park. The Landmarks Commission’s 1966 survey that covers all the Gramercy Park houses cites The Players club (No. 16) as the only one White tarted up, chiefly with a marble fireplace weighing twenty tons.

What he did do a lot was import foreign junk (statues, paintings, stuffed animal heads), sell it to parvenues, and call it interior design. He had no formal education in any trade. White was more of a decorator than an architect, filling pretentious rich people’s homes with crap that impressed their pretentious rich friends. Know what? I’ve got a scalpel in my toolbox. That doesn’t make me a brain surgeon.

No. 4’s salon is exceptionally tasteful compared with White’s usual work, including his own house at 119-121 East 21st that he larded up with ghastly medieval decorations from Europe. It looked like San Simeon, but cheesier. If you saw it, and then you saw No. 4’s delicious salon (below), you’d just go “Nah.”

One thing no one can accuse White of is subtlety. He often veered into migraine-inducing nightmare territory, barfing up fashion roadkill like this shitfest at NYC’s Metropolitan Club (below). If ostentation’s your jam, Stannie’s your man.

Alex Davis’ career spanned 52 years. Stanford White’s barely lasted 36. During his brief reign as the king of tasteless, White copied lots of other architects, including Davis, who copied Andrea Palladio forty-five years earlier. One big difference between Davis and White is that Davis knew when to stop. Did I mention the twenty-ton fireplace?

I love history! Let’s examine the hijinks going on with Carrie Bradshaw’s fictional heroine’s real-life neighbors, the Harpers, back when their dining room allegedly got a Stanford redo. Shoutout to HBO! Do a series on THESE guys!

The 1880 city directory shows the late James Harper’s widow Julia (but no one else) occupying No. 4. The 1880 US census shows Julia living at No. 4 with her adult children, James and Elizabeth, plus five other people described as a nurse and servants. The same census also shows the same Harpers living at a second address, identified as “Gramercy Place between 20th and 21st streets, no number hotel,” which has to be the erstwhile Gramercy-Park House hotel (pictured below, not to be confused with the Gramercy Park Hotel that replaced it) across the park. At that address, the census shows Julia as the sole head of a household that included her two kids, four servants, and 159 boarders. I am not making this up.

At the time, Gramercy Park was zoned residential. No hotels were allowed. So right there you know some bullshit’s going on. Wait, there’s more. In 1879 Julia’s hotel’s elevator rope snapped, resulting in her engineer being crushed to death. That year her boss, deadbeat landlord Curtis Judson, lost his Connecticut dairy business after the state ordered his cows destroyed because they had pneumonia. Judson defaulted on multiple mortgages, including the hotel’s. They were all foreclosed, and a court ordered him to pay $150,000 in debts (equivalent to $4.75 million today). The hotel closed in 1882 and was demolished the next year.

All hell was breaking loose in Julia’s world. She also ran a flophouse at 84 Catherine Street downtown. One of her tenants, Italian prizefighter “Kid Tempe” (Thomas Perino to you), was murdered in the neighborhood subway station. And she still had 4 Gramercy Park, described in 1895 as a boarding house in a Brooklyn Daily Eagle story about Alexander Barton, a waiter who worked there. The poor guy was arrested for getting into a bar fight while trying to buy a drink on a Sunday night in Brooklyn (Manhattan was dry on Sundays thanks to Mayor Harper, and everyone who worked for his family probably needed a drink).

A Davisean detail worth noting: I don’t know how much input Julia had in design decisions, but look closely at the frieze in her “library” (photo below, HABS — click on it to see it better).

Charlotte York’s metrosexual boyfriend Stephan would call the gals Botticelli-esque, but they’re really Pompeii-bordello-esque, dancing around Julia’s parlor and library with salad coming out of their hoo-haws! Not for nothing, but Julia did run a “boarding house.” And Davis, he loved tenuously dressed bas-relief babes and caryatids. He thought the Erechtheion in Athens is da bomb. (Me too!) (Photo below of the Porch of the Caryatids © 2006 Harrieta171/Wikipedia)

He used similarly racy gals to hold up a balcony railing at the US Custom House in NYC (photo number 3, below, © 2025 Steven Zucker) and a doorway at the Wadsworth Atheneum museum in Hartford (photo 4 below). Click the pic to savor it fully.

Whoever Julia’s roommates were at No. 4, they were paying guests she didn’t want the tax collector to know about. She ran nonstop newspaper ads seeking household help, often with odd requirements: a waiter-man (sic), single, no mustache; a “good Swedish cook who can speak English”; a French-speaking nurse to watch three children.

One of the Harpers’ Gramercy Park roommates was extra special. Remember Norman White, who bought lots No. 3 and No. 4 from Sam Ruggles in 1843 and hired Alex Davis to build there? Norman lived in No. 4, according to city directories, until 1848. That year an ad in the New York Herald for White’s Red Cordial peptic medicine (Norman was an enthusiastic endorser) shows No. 4 as his address. So do ads for No. 4 apartment rentals that he managed (there were seven then; it seems it was a boarding house from the get-go). Coincidentally, Norman White scrammed exactly when Mayor Harper’s first wife died and he finally moved into No. 4. Hizzoner soon found he preferred the quiet of his family’s Hempstead country home, with its handsome rosewood-paneled library where, as he told a Harper & Brothers client, “I entertain the bores.”

More Sausage Fun! Mayor James Harper and his first wife, Maria Arcularius (1794-1847), moved into the Hempstead home of Samuel Thorne, James’ future wife’s father, after Thorne’s death in 1836. Two of Thorne’s daughters, Julia (15) and Augusta (11), later married James Harper and his son Philip. Hoo boy. By 1844, when James became the mayor of NYC, he and Maria had moved to Rose Street in the financial district; meanwhile, Julia was calling herself Mrs. Harper, and she and Norman White had moved into 4 Gramercy Park. Julia was 23. Norman was married to someone else and had six kids. He didn’t move far in 1848 — just three doors away, to 1 Gramercy Park. I report. You decide.

Julia’s 1902 New York Times obit stated “she had long been an invalid” when she expired at No. 4, “where she had resided since her marriage in 1849.” (The Times left out the part about Julia living there since 1844, using the name Harper, while Mayor Harper’s first wife was still alive.)

This seems like a good place to mention that Julia probably didn’t actually die in 1902. Shocking, I know.

She resumed using her maiden name, Thorne (and Thorn, and Thorna). She got a passport in 1906, “to go abroad” for two years. Newspapers reported her zombie social doings, like her vacation at a Southold, LI resort in 1910. Invalid, my ass. And in 1913 they publicized the booty she scored from her late sister Augusta’s will: NYC real estate at 180 South Street and 341 Water Street, and their childhood home, the Harper/Thorne family estate in Hempstead (photo below), appraised at $36,500. She could finally afford Stanford White! Too bad he croaked.

White was a man of notoriously loose morals whom New Yorkers (natch) found fascinating, even though his work wasn’t that different from, say, Henry Hardenbergh’s at the Dakota. He had his finger on the pulse (and other parts) of America’s ruling nouveau riche, who had more money than taste, and whose idea of luxe resembled the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland. And for that, he achieved greater celebrity than Alex Davis had earlier in the century for creating temples fit for gods. White exploded into a pop culture supernova in 1906 when he was double-tapped at Madison Square Garden for raping another man’s supermodel wife.

And all that (plus Julia Harper being a stone-cold liar, she probably isn’t even dead) is why I believe the gorgeous antique woodwork in No. 4’s salon is the work of Alex Davis, and the Stanford-White-redid-my-parlor shtick was concocted by the Harpers to sell their house when people stopped buying houses after the Panic of 1873, especially old-fashioned ones like theirs. There was another panic in 1883, the year Julia’s dining room appeared in Artistic Houses, the same way celebrity houses appear in Homeworthy today when the owners want to sell. In 1885 Julia subleased her chambermaid and laundress, according to a newspaper classified ad. Her subsequent absence from city directories suggests Julia left town.

The public forgot about Davis, but their obsession with White never cooled. The mansion at 16 Gramercy Park (The Players social club) was designed by Davis in 1843 for Elihu Townsend, a builder of spec houses; it was sold in 1846 to Civil War hero Major General Robert B. Potter, whose family sold it to John Wilkes Booth’s less-murdery brother Edwin in 1888, who hired Stanford White to transform it from a Greek Revival brownstone into a Renaissance Revival potluck. Forever after, everyone ignored its first 45 years of history to celebrate Abraham Lincoln’s killer’s brother’s Stanford White house. (Actually, they’re doing Davis a solid. White skunked it up real bad. He put the front door in the basement. The New York Times said the place looked like a Turkish bath. Sarah Bernhardt got stuck in the elevator.) And right now the media are wailing about the wanton destruction of “the McKim, Mead, & White East Wing” of the White House (Charles McKim did design its tiny porch in 1902, but the rest was built in 1942 after the Three Amigos were way dead). There’s an antique (and very expensive) Hudson Valley AirBnB advertised as miraculously designed by McKim, Mead and White three years before MM&W existed. And there’s actually a house in New Jersey designed by Davis in 1859, twenty years before McKim, Mead and White existed, the second owner of which was Charles McKim’s father. So in 2024, realtors advertising it as a McKim, Mead and White house sold it as a fixer-upper for $1.03 million. The Harpers’ sales spiel to tire-kickers at No. 4 no doubt went thusly: “And this room was remodeled by, uh, Stanford White! Yeah, that’s it!” And that made it the bestest real estate money could buy.

Poor Mr. Davis. A pity he died in 1892, fourteen years too soon to savor Mr. White getting his face blown off.

To his credit, Alex Davis’ Gramercy Park gems No. 3 and No. 4 live on. They were rode hard and put away wet, yet somehow survived. Both are lovely, still. I say a lot of mean things because that’s what I do, but we’re lucky to have them — lucky that their stewards cared enough to preserve them in the pretty decent state they’re in. And it’s a good thing Carrie Bradshaw’s late husband was loaded. No. 3 and No. 4 recently sold for $16.7M and $23M, respectively. Or as Mr. Davis would say, “Duh. What’d you expect?”

It’s a blessing that we still have his creations to admire. And Carrie Bradshaw’s hats. I mean that. Bite me.

Text Copyright © 2025 SYDNEY SCHUSTER — All Rights Reserved
All photos of And Just Like That © 2021-2025 HBO/MAX/Michael Patrick King Productions/Warner Bros. Discovery

You can purchase any of my books by contacting me through the Message or Leave A Comment forms below.

Sydney Schuster and Dead Spot Books neither approved nor endorse any non-Dead Spot Books advertising that may appear here, nor do we derive any income from it. Some of it is really gross and we apologize, but the web host puts it there and we have no control over it. Try to ignore it. Thanks


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Ravenswood: The Lost Paradise | A New Book by Sydney Schuster

My latest book is out!

It’s the true story of Ravenswood, a 19th century playground of the rich and fabulous on Queens’ western coast — two miles of unspoiled beaches with zillion-dollar views of Manhattan, dotted with quirky palaces and exotic gardens spoken of with reverence and envy for decades. From 1835 to 1860, a flood of well-heeled New Yorkers fleeing the cholera epidemics created what became the city’s hottest neighborhood. And then a crook named Thomas Rainey came to town, and it vaporized.

What happened to Ravenswood was a crime. Literally.

Ravenswood is one of the least documented, most chaotically short-lived, totally misunderstood settlements in all of modern history. New research and never-before-published images in Ravenswood: The Lost Paradise bring the decadence inside its vanished mansions back to life. Parties! Bribes! Grifts! Arson! Espionage! Fake deaths! Real murders! Free love! Tons of gunpowder in a room with a lit stove!

It’s a Queens you never knew existed. But more than that, Ravenswood is the roller coaster you’ve always wanted to ride!

Available on Amazon.

Ravenword Cover for WordPress

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Copyright © 2023 SYDNEY SCHUSTER – All Rights Reserved

Sydney Schuster and Dead Spot Books neither approved nor endorse any non-Dead Spot Books advertising that may appear here, nor do we derive any income from it. Some of it is really gross and we apologize, but the web host puts it there and we have no control over it. Try to ignore it. Thanks.

Arrested Development | LIC’s Adorable Terra Cotta Building Has Thwarted Disruptors for Over a Century

Copyright © 2020 SYDNEY SCHUSTER — All Rights Reserved

Dammit, I don’t care if there IS a pandemic! I’ve waited 38 years for Castle Tragic to get its mojo back! WTF?

In 1982 I needed a house. I’d heard Long Island City was The Next Big Thing! so I called a realtor. He showed me the only two LIC houses available. One was a pathetic shell of what used to be a stately 1870s townhouse on the historic block. The other was a rowhouse that smelled like cabbage and overlooked the el and … no, just no.

Then, as I fled, I saw it.

It didn’t look like much. What it did look like was … available. The cruddy, falling-down ruin that’s still at 42-16 (formerly 401) Vernon Boulevard was built in 1892. The Terra Cotta Building, as it’s known colloquially, sits on the last undeveloped land in LIC.

You’d never guess it’s the molten core of a centuries-old hot mess starring Citigroup, Silvercup Studios, the New York City Buildings Department, the New York City Landmarks Preservation Commission, David’s Cookies, every resident of LIC ever, and many more.

The Terra Cotta Building in 1982. Photo copyright © 2020 Sydney Schuster

Proudly Bringing Misery to LIC Since 1886
Originally the Terra Cotta Building was the management office of the New York Architectural Terra Cotta Company. Founded in 1886, NYATC was LIC’s fourth-largest employer and New York City’s premiere (actually, only) decorative terra cotta manufacturer. The company provided fancy clay embellishments to Carnegie Hall and the Plaza, Ansonia, and Ritz-Carlton Philadelphia hotels, among other prestigious structures.

The Terra Cotta Building is a showcase for the company’s products — artfully molded bricks, chimney pots, panels, tiles, sills, brackets, corbels, signage, and the like. It was designed by Francis Kimball, the architect of Brooklyn’s Montauk Club. It’s a registered NYC landmark that’s additionally listed on the New York State Register of Historic Places and eligible for the National Register.

It’s also one seriously quirky wreck. The NYC Landmarks Preservation Commission diplomatically calls it the only building of its kind known to survive in America.

Photo copyright © 2018 NewYorkitus.com

The Terra Cotta Building was a product of LIC’s original Next Big Thing (not counting anything big the Matinecock tribe were doing there first). In the 1850s the natives and immigrant orphans who lived on what would become Vernon Avenue were driven out by an influx of effete honkies who stole the whole Queens riverfront from them, everything from Newtown Creek to Hallett’s Cove — the hot action was between Hunter’s Point and the Queensboro Bridge — to build an exclusive enclave of mansions they called Ravenswood. Two decades later Ravenswood was ignominiously subsumed by smelly factories and warehouses after being incorporated by LIC in 1870. NYATC was singly responsible for the demise of multiple stately homes on Vernon, and quickly caked the rest with soot so insidious, their residents fled. Ironically, LIC’s industrial renaissance was clobbered in the 1900s by a Next-Big-Thing invasion of gentrifiers, themselves almost Next Big Thinged in the 2000s when Amazon nearly replaced everything from Hunter’s Point to the Queensboro Bridge with, um, factories and warehouses. I don’t know about you, but I need a drink.

The New York Architectural Terra Cotta plant circa 1900.

 

Newtown Creek, Long Island City, 1881. Copyright Harper’s Weekly

 

New York Magazine, 1980

NYATC went bankrupt in 1932 but one of its owners, Richard Dalton, continued operating various businesses on the site. It became Eastern Terra Cotta Co., then the New York Fireproof Wood Works. From 1950 to 1974 the factory was used for plastic and paper waste sorting, electronics manufacturing, and soda bottling. From the 1950s to 2002 the southern half of the property was used by petroleum refining companies that stored toxic goo in leaky underground tanks, while the office building was used as a dog farm, a stereo store, a real estate office, a band rehearsal space, and a squatters’ haven.

When Richard Dalton died in 1965, his family sold the property to Citigroup (then Citicorp). Today the block is shared by hulking New York Power Authority generators with 150-foot smoke stacks and the little Terra Cotta Building, LIC’s last surviving vestige of aristocratic old Ravenswood.

The New York Architectural Terra Cotta Works, circa 1900.

 

1950 map of NYATC site showing the gas company and its underground fuel tanks

One Born Every Minute
I stumbled into this shitstorm when I naively tried to buy the Terra Cotta Building in 1982. I didn’t know Citi planned to transform the three-acre lot into a spectacular, much-whispered-about back office.

A decade earlier, the nineteenth-century industrial complex was still mostly intact. Citi began demolishing it in the 1970s — a five-story factory, a building with 12 kilns, big masonry warehouses, multiple smaller outbuildings, and 12-foot masonry walls surrounding the property. It’s hard to pinpoint a timeline, because I couldn’t find any demo permits filed with the city.

I did find this super-secret 1913 diagram (below) at the NYC buildings department. It shows all the NYATC buildings Citi tore down. A gummint troll threw me out when he saw me photographing it. I’m very proud of that!

Photo © 2020 Sydney Schuster

Coincidentally, in the 1970s the townsfolk asked the Landmarks Commission to designate the property a historic site, one that couldn’t be destroyed or externally altered and would serve as a venue for public use.

Citi’s glam back office didn’t include a bunch of messed-up holy cows they weren’t allowed to butcher. By the time I got involved, all that was left of them was one big warehouse, a short segment of the 12-foot-tall property wall, and the saucy little office building.

In the end only the office building survived, and only because the Landmarks Commission, the Friends of Terra Cotta preservation group, and LIC’s citizenry claimed it before Midnight Demo could. You don’t mess with them.

Susan Tunick, president of the Friends of Terra Cotta, revealed their secret power source. “Back then, it was necessary for Landmarks Preservation Commission designations to be ‘blessed’ or ‘frowned upon’ by the borough presidents at the Board of Estimate. The power rested with the borough president whose borough the potential landmark was in. The Borough President of Queens, Donald Manes, was sure to vote against this decision” because he was chummy with Citi, and Citi was fighting the landmarking hard.

“Preservationists began to unearth a lot of odd information about Donald Manes and his political connections,” says Tunick. “Strangely — and to the delight of many preservationists — the Board of Estimate did NOT overturn the LPC designation.”

Later it became public knowledge that Manes was involved with bribes and kickbacks at the NYC Parking Violations Bureau, the zoning board, and cable TV franchises. He resigned and committed suicide in 1986, but in 1982, Tunick says, “he feared preservationists had discovered his wrongdoing and thus decided NOT to deny the landmarking of this remarkable structure.”

The Terra Cotta Building. © 2019 Rob Cooke

Unaware of the epic battle raging over one sad, crusty little building, I tried to buy it from Citi. And being that it was on such a desirable waterfront lot directly beneath a crumbly old bridge in a toxic industrial neighborhood with high-density public housing and Brobdingnagian potholes, Citi wanted $1 million for it. WTF? The tax assessment was only, like, $50,000. (Fun Fact! Thirty years later, the market value was still only $150,000.)

So I started snooping. That’s when I discovered Citi’s super-sneaky permit-free back-office agenda, the magic of which was how their shiny new 50-story waterfront skyscraper in Queens would mirror their pointy-headed HQ across the East River in Manhattan.

BTW, this kind of BS makes my head explode.

Anyway, Citi didn’t really want to sell their Vernon Boulevard property. But they couldn’t build on it, either, as long as that hovel of disintegrating masonry was there.

For the record, I didn’t actually care about Citi’s stupid lot, only their stupid hovel. There was still enough of it left for me to think it was wicked cool and I could save it. So I asked Citi a stupid question: Would they sweeten the price if I relocated it?

Would they?!? My request was Cupid’s Stinger fired straight at whatever Citi’s CEO Walter Wriston had instead of a heart. The new purchase price? One dollar!

Of course, I had zero experience moving buildings. All’s I had was a dream and beginners’ luck. I found a hotshot mover who specialized in antique buildings and got approval from the Landmarks Commission. People didn’t move buildings in New York City back then and so, having no precedent with which to justify a veto, the commission actually told me Just don’t mess it up, dog!

They did, however, have three requirements: The outside couldn’t be changed; the three extremely eccentric terra cotta fireplaces inside couldn’t be disturbed; and the front doors had to face the street. The first two requirements? Easy peasy. The deal breaker was number three. We’ll get to that.

Terra cotta showcase fireplace designed and signed by James Taylor, the “Father of American Terra Cotta” and NYATCC’s superintendent. Photo © 2020 Susan Tunick / Collection of Friends of Terra Cotta

One of the first-floor terra cotta fireplaces in the Terra Cotta Building. Photo © 2020 Sydney Schuster

 

The second-floor terra cotta fireplace. Photo © 2012 LTV Squad

My first proposed relocation site was — ta da! — right across the street. It was the perfect size, and the only thing on it I’d have to level was a decrepit ice cream warehouse. (Since replaced by the Ravel Hotel.)

The property was owned by David Liederman, inventor of the One Dollar Cookie. At the time he was a big celeb, so I was surprised when he took my call. He admitted it was a flip property he acquired to cash in on LIC’s Next Big Thing (ie, the 1980s New York City Waterfront Revitalization Program and Port Authority’s Hunters Point Development Project, the result of which was one dumbass park and deflatable tennis courts which — surprise! — aren’t there anymore; they were Next Big Thinged by Queens West, which was Next Big Thinged by Hunters Point South).

Liederman couldn’t wait to sell his lot. And because it was so valuable and all, being million-dollar-undevelopable-hovel-adjacent, he too was asking a million dollars.

I didn’t have a million dollars. I did have a long-term lease-back plan. Liederman went ballistic. Fun Fact! Turns out there wasn’t a line of buyers for Dr. Evil’s million-dollar spread after all. Later I heard Ravi Patel paid $70,000 for it.

Terra cotta plaque on the Terra Cotta Building. Photo © 2011 Mitch Waxman / The Newtown Pentacle

Pictures Worth a Thousand Words
Back when Citi still thought I might actually save their ass, they invited me to take a DIY tour of the Terra Cotta Building. When I arrived it was gated and the windows were bricked up. It still had floors then but no electricity. “Bring a flashlight,” Citi said glibly.

I brought a lantern. The caretakers were Royal Petroleum guys in the one NYATC warehouse that had eluded demolition. (No worries, Citi razed it shortly after my visit.) They had the keys, and also massive petroleum tanks. I asked them for the keys to the firetrap next door, and also a match. They didn’t know the match was for the lantern. They nearly crapped their pants.

Finally I was inside! I’d met the last occupants, renters who Citi evicted so they could tear the place down. Apparently a tenant/landlord relationship with Citi is like the John Denver Experience in South Park.

The renters were nice. Living in the Terra Cotta Building, they said, not so much. I now saw why. It was, as the architect Philip Johnson would say, a seventeen-bucket house.

The interior was so dark my lantern didn’t help much, but I know a swamp when I slosh through one. There was trash everywhere. There were rooms I wouldn’t go into for money. It wasn’t until I got my photos back from the developer that I got a better look (because my camera had a flash) at my dream house: the Landmarks Commission’s prized fireplaces (they’re wild), and their waterfall cascading down their wooden staircase, courtesy of their Queens-sized hole in their terra cotta tile roof that Citi wouldn’t fix.

Terra Cotta Building floom ride and a ham sandwich, 1982. Photo copyright © 2020 Sydney Schuster

I yelled at Citi to patch the roof before the building collapsed. Citi slapped a piece of plywood on it that didn’t help. I soon came to realize that was the point.

And I still wanted the place. Which brings us to the deal breaker.

The building has two elaborate front doors (photo below). The one on the left, showing the old “No. 401” Vernon address, opened into conference rooms and executive offices. The one on the right, with the word “OFFICE,” opened into the day-to-day operations part.

The street-facing doors. Photos © 2011 Scouting New York / ScoutingNY.com

Both doors had to face the street. They were on the building’s 70-foot long side. I searched for two years, but never found available property within a safe towing distance that had a hundred feet of frontage. Citi could’ve helped with that — I heard they’re in the real estate biz — but didn’t.

I gave up and got an antique brownstone in Brooklyn before it was hip. Citi bailed too, eventually erecting their phallic monument to credit default swaps in 1990 over at Court Square.

Not So Fast
In 1997 the Landmarks Commission threatened to sue Citi for failure to properly maintain the Terra Cotta Building. The next year Citi put the block up for sale, asking $3.3 million.

Brothers Alan and Stuart Suna snagged the Vernon property for $500,000 in 1999, just in time for The Next Big Thing — New York State’s $420-million Film Production Tax Credit program. The Sunas co-own the Silvercup Studios six blocks away. They had a plan for a billion-dollar extension on the Terra Cotta Building site.

Silvercup West would be a 2.10-million-square-foot multi-use facility designed by famed modernist architect Lord Richard Rogers of Rogers Stirk Harbour. It was described thusly: television and film production studios; residential, office, retail, museum and/or other cultural or community facilities; a health club; a restaurant; and a catering facility, all shoveled into several towers ranging in height from 537 to 600 feet, and tastefully decorated with a 9,745-square-foot red neon sign. The towers would be twice as tall as the Queensboro Bridge, blocking LIC’s view of Manhattan and dwarfing the two-story Terra Cotta Building, which would become Silvercup West’s quaint bohemian cultural center selling macrame and snacks. Or something.

Silvercup West. Photo © 2006 Rogers Stirk Harbour

 

The Vernon Boulevard elevation of Silvercup West, showing the Terra Cotta Building’s location in it. (Clue: It’s that teeny red thing, bottom center.) Photo © 2006 Rogers Stirk Harbour

And then, crickets. In 2006 the Sunas finally obtained work permits for the Terra Cotta Building. They also received an environmental impact statement (EIS) that contained the following: “Preliminary investigations indicate that [Silvercup West] site soils may have contamination… .” The EIS didn’t specify what kind.

In 2008 New York Magazine reported it took a year for the Suna brothers “to get permission to enter the site and test the soil” around the NYPA power plant, at which time they “discovered that the bedrock was not where they expected it to be.” Rather inconveniently, the next year a federal jury convicted Exxon Mobil of contaminating the drinking water wells of southeast Queens with methyl tertiary butyl ether. None of this is what anyone building a repository for thousands of tenants wants to hear.

The only thing built at 42-16 Vernon during that decade was a 1950 kit house by the modernist architect Jean Prouvé, assembled on the site for a 2007 Christie’s auction. It was purchased by the owner of the Chateau Marmont and carted away.

The Sunas got more work permits in 2011, but renovation of the Terra Cotta Building was negligible. Urban archeologists LTV Squad, who visited it in 2012, reported the floors, ceilings, and plaster were gone. That year the Landmarks Commission told me the work on the Terra Cotta Building (which so far consisted of taping permits to windows) would take “many more months,” and the building’s use “has not yet been determined.”

The Terra Cotta Building in 2012. Photo © 2012 Google

Brownfields Hall of Shame
The Sunas applied for a new permit to build Silvercup West in 2014, the same year the state’s film production tax credit funds ran out. Then in 2016, the state’s Department of Environmental Conservation identified the toxins that had to be eliminated before the Sunas could build anything: “material contaminated with petroleum” and “grossly contaminated soil impacted with elevated levels of arsenic and lead.”

The only surprise, really, was that no one did anything about it sooner. A 2004 rezoning assessment commissioned by Silvercup stated: “Approximately 2,400 gallons of No. 2 fuel oil were estimated to be in the ground” in 1980 (p. 27); half was pumped out by Citi, who left the rest for the next suckers. There were also two geriatric underground fuel oil tanks somewhere — one 30,000 gallon, one 15,000 — that no one could find. The NYS Department of Environmental Conservation declared the site “low priority” in 1994 and never forced Citi or its petroleum company tenant to complete the remediation.

Survey map of hazard areas on the site. Map © 2003 Munoz Engineering PC

By 2018 the Sunas had cleaned up the soil, removed rotting underground gas tanks, and rebuilt the spongy bulkhead on the Terra Cotta Building side so petroleum wouldn’t leak into the river (probably in anticipation of Amazon acquiring the property for its ill-fated HQ2 project). But the NYPA wouldn’t remove its power plant that hogs two-thirds of the site.

Satellite view of the Terra Cotta Building property via Google. © 2020 Bluesky, Maxar Technologies, Sangorn, USDA Farm Service Agency

 

The Terra Cotta Building lot, looking southeastward from the river. From left to right: the Terra Cotta Building, Citicorp’s back office at Court Square, and the NYPA generator plant. © 2006 City of New York – Silvercup West Executive Summary

Rogers Stirk Harbour removed the Silvercup West project from their website. An alternate Next Big Thing designed by Leeser Architecture surfaced that looked like an upturned Ikea table.

Proposed Silvercup West #2. Photo © 2014 Leeser Architecture

In 2018 a contest sponsored by Parsons School of Design and some lumber council challenged architecture students to suggest even worse buildings for the site, made of tinder which is exactly what you want on top of a powder keg. Then Mayor Bill DiBlasio tried to palm off the property on Amazon. In 2020 the Landmarks Commission told me “the property’s permits have expired and they should not be doing work.”

What you get for your kid’s tuition money.

 

Citigroup’s Court Square building (left) and Silvercup West, reimagined as Amazon HQ2 facilities. Photos © 2017 New York City Economic Development Corp.

Cue More Crickets
Silvercup West never broke ground. In 2016 the Sunas built a film and TV facility in the Bronx instead, Silvercup North. The NYPA still hasn’t moved its power plant. The Ravel Hotel across the street vigorously Photoshops the Terra Cotta Building out of its marketing pictures.

The Ravel Hotel and the Terra Cotta Building. Photo © 2020 The Ravel Hotel / The Knot

Meanwhile, Silvercup West is still a cancer pit with a weed hat. Looks like they’ve been sprucing up the Terra Cotta Building, though. Getting it ready for The Next Big Thing.

Photo © 2020 Untapped New York by Michelle Young

Copyright © 2020 SYDNEY SCHUSTER — All Rights Reserved

Many thanks to Susan Tunick of Friends of Terra Cotta for her photos and help with researching this post, and LTV Squad for the use of their photo, and Michelle Young and Untapped New York for allowing me to reproduce their photo. Be sure to read Ms. Young’s excellent story, “A Terra Cotta Beauty Sits Alone Beneath the Queensboro Bridge.”

For more about the Terra Cotta Building, read my new book Ravenswood: The Lost Paradise, available on Amazon. Click the pic below to go to the Amazon page.

Read my book about the New York crime family that once ruled Long Island City. Click the pic below to go to the Amazon page.

You can purchase any of my books by contacting me through the Contact form below.

Sydney Schuster and Dead Spot Books neither approved nor endorse any non-Dead Spot Books advertising that may appear here, nor do we derive any income from it. Some of it is really gross and we apologize, but the web host puts it there and we have no control over it. Try to ignore it. Thanks.

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Not Wrong About Wright

Copyright © 2020 SYDNEY SCHUSTER — All Rights Reserved

Okay, I’ll just straight-up own this right now: I’m a Frank Lloyd Wright fan. There. I said it and I’m proud.

I was planning a trip to visit an assortment of Wright homes until the covid-19 pandemic torpedoed it. They’ve got Wright homes now where you can do sleepovers. They’re awesome and I’m not gonna live forever, so I’m pissed about possibly missing out on that. But as long as there’s an internet I can still drool over them.

I’m already lucky enough to have visited the extraordinary Guggenheim Museum in NYC (Wright said people complained it looks like a washing machine) and Fallingwater in Pennsylvania, Wright’s glorious 1939 experiment where I endeared myself to the tour guide who kept dragging me from underneath built-ins where I was looking to see how they were made.

Fallingwater. Copyright © 2020 The Western Pennsylvania Conservancy

 

BFFs 4-Ever
Born in 1867, two years after the Civil War ended, Wright was still alive when I was a mid-century suburban kid and he’d inexplicably become a punchline. My parents built a couple of houses themselves, sturdy if not brilliant ones (my bedroom had no windows), and considered themselves experts. They delighted in making fun of Wright, for reasons I didn’t understand. I was a child, FFS; I knew squat about architecture but I knew what I liked. Not for nothing, my Barbie Dream House that I loved desperately was a dead ringer for a Usonian home.

Chez Barbie. © 1962 The Mattel Corporation

No surprise, then, how thrilled I was to spend quality kid time in an amazing Texas home my parents assured me is a Wright house. It isn’t. (They were wrong a lot, though I’m sure they meant well.) But it was close enough. The Prairie-style beauty was designed by Wright student Larry Morton Gernsbacher for the founders of the Fort Worth Symphony and the Van Cliburn International Competition.

Gernsbacher trained at Wright’s Taliesin West. His Brachman-Aragon House features sparkling terrazzo floors and a soaring hexagonal fireplace among other stuff Wright would’ve hated, and generally doesn’t hit the same level of OCD detail that was Wright’s gift and albatross. But it’s fabulous nonetheless, also the first building I ever got lost in that wasn’t an airport.

The Brachman-Aragon living room. © 2020 Realtor.com

The Brachman-Aragon House. © 1957 Larry Morton Gernsbacher, AIA

Me and some nerdist pals getting crumbs in the Wrightian sunken couch at Brachman-Aragon House. © Sydney Schuster

Fickle Fans: The Mothers of Reinvention
Popular appreciation for Wright’s rangy, landscape-hugging Prairie style just kind of faded away mid-century, along with America’s infatuation with ranch houses in general. Wright was unfazed. He waited out the Great Depression working as a teacher before reviving his career with Fallingwater, then shifted gears again in the 1950s to design more homes for the middle class. Climbing into the Boomer-boom lifeboat with modernists like Richard Neutra and Carl Strandlund enabled Wright to achieve yet another revival before clocking out in 1959.

Some of his scaled-down populist works were more successful than others. Many Usonian homes, like the Seth Peterson Cottage and Pope-Leighey House, are exquisite jewel boxes, their designs often incorporating chunks of Fallingwater. Others look like if you walked inside, there’d be a Gap.

The Pope-Leighey House. © 2017 National Trust for Historic Preservation / SavingPlaces.Org

It wasn’t until much later that Wright came to be considered “the greatest American architect of all time,” as the American Institute of Architects put it in 1991. There was simply no one like him — the vision, the arrogance, the blatant disregard for society’s speedbumps. He was a master manipulator of light and proportion, a genius at making things look big that aren’t [insert joke of your choice here].

Perhaps most importantly, Wright had no more f∪cks to give. His futuristic Norman Lykes House in Phoenix looks like a Federation starship. It was his last residential design, commissioned a decade before James T. Kirk supposedly went where no man had ever gone before.

Norman Lykes House, © 2019 Craig Root (left); Star Trek starship Ares, © 2014 Christian Gossett (right)

The houses Wright designed in California in the 1920s came from another place no one had ever been before — the inside of his head after his wife was murdered and their estate torched. The Ennis House, the last one Wright built in Los Angeles, is like a relentlessly accessorized tomb with great closets and ample parking.

Ennis House. © 2020 Los Feliz Improvement Association lfia.org

Years ago I lived in LA within walking distance of the Ennis House, which I mistook to be some creeptastic masonic temple and steered clear. My friends were equally unimpressed. (“What is that thing?” “Dunno. Go up and look.” “I’m not going up there. You go!”) I regret that now. Great, steaming gobs of regret.

Upon closer inspection, Ennis House turns out to be merely a three-bedroom split-level with rooms taller than they are wide, nestled in a bundle of optical illusions. (Photo below: Here’s the pool side, left, looking all towery and Olympian; now check it out, right, with people for scale. Suddenly it looks like an old Disneyland attraction, and a tiny one at that.)

Ennis House. © 2017 NBC New York (left); © 2020 Frank Lloyd Wright Building Conservancy (right)

Its modest sleeping accommodations and theme-park ambience aside, Ennis House is neither suburban cliché nor dark ride. It’s a magical mindf∪cking fairytale someone lives in now. Don’t show up unannounced, but if you’re in LA and there’s a tour, you should go.

Ennis House dining room. © 2019 Architectural Digest

A Feature, Not a Flaw
Ironically, what elevated Wright as an architect was that he wasn’t so much a great builder as a great artist whose medium happened to be buildings. Fantastic, gorgeous, fanciful buildings, riddled with face-palm-inducing design slop. An engineer he was not. His goofs are as spectacular as his hits. Let’s review!

Wright roofs leaked. “Move the table,” he famously chided the Herbert F. Johnson family when they complained that their Thanksgiving dinner guests at Wingspread got rained on. The architect Philip Johnson once called Fallingwater “a seventeen-bucket house.” Fallingwater’s original owners affectionately nicknamed it “Rising Mold.”

Wright houses listed and sank. Wright’s Mayan Revival creations were a personal challenge to tart up what he called “the cheapest and ugliest thing in the building world.” The modular blocks in his LA “organic” houses — an early iteration of cinder block made of crap dug up in the yard, mixed with water, and shoved into molds onsite — crumbled liberally over time, taking their buildings’ equilibriums with them. (The Ennis house, built in 1924, has been restored three times.)

Ennis House damage. © 2011 CBS Los Angeles

Wright homes were wholesale firetraps. The Rose Pauson House in Phoenix burned down when it was only a year old, after a spark from its stately open fireplace set the curtains ablaze. The plate warmer in Rochester’s Boynton House consists of an open flame inside a wooden cabinet. Really. When the current owners wanted to restore it, the local gas company laughed and refused. There’s a 1927 Wright filling station in Buffalo with roof-mounted gas tanks situated directly over a fireplace inside. What could go wrong?

Wright Gas Station. © 2020 The Buffalo Transportation Pierce Arrow Museum

Chicago architect Gunny Harboe, who renovated six Wright buildings, told Insider.com that Wright “didn’t really understand how things would perform over long periods of time, nor did [he] probably care about it.” Wright was only interested in making something he had in mind “and doing it in a beautiful way. And how that would get dealt with in the future was sort of left up to others.”

In short, Wright was maniacal about optics but cavalier about their underpinnings. By 2001 Fallingwater’s famed cantilevered terraces had nearly collapsed for lack of proper reinforcement. When the living room of Minnesota’s 1912 Francis W. Little House was reconstructed within Manhattan’s Metropolitan Museum in the 1980s, the crew was shocked that nothing in it was square or plumb. (I saw it. It’s stunning. Oof!)

Francis W. Little House living room. © 2020 Artists Rights Society (ARS), New York / The Metropolitan Museum of Art

Wright buildings often had light fixtures with no service access and dead bulbs sealed inside. And his trademark butted-edge glass windows? Unmatched at embracing views, useless at repelling rain.

Light fixtures from hell at the Samuel Freeman House. © 2018 KCET Los Angeles/LaBella Films

So what I’m saying is yes, Wright really was America’s greatest architect, and his imposing buildings are deceptively ephemeral and someday people will get sick of propping them up. If you ever have the chance to visit one, don’t hesitate. Next time you go to New York City, even if you do nothing else, just go to the damn Guggenheim already. The inside’s bigger than the outside! You’re welcome.

Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum. © 2020 Frank Lloyd Wright Foundation

Copyright © 2020 SYDNEY SCHUSTER — All Rights Reserved

Many thanks to Joanne Barron at Historic Fort Worth, Inc. for her help in researching this post.

My new book Ravenswood: The Lost Paradise is available on Amazon.

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Carrie Bradshaw’s Apartment Drives Me Nuts

Copyright © 2018 SYDNEY SCHUSTER — All Rights Reserved
Read my followup to this post, Carrie Bradshaw’s Apartment Still Drives Me Nuts!

Is it just me, or is Carrie Bradshaw’s apartment the lava lamp of TV dives?

Sex and the City” is on all the time and, like a lot of idiots, I still watch it. The characters are ridiculous — basically, they’re female gay men. And their intensely scrutinized fashions are interesting, I suppose, in a hookery kind of way, but they’re mostly not clothes real New York women ever wore (except hookers). Officially my excuse for watching is how much I love seeing pre-9/11 New York (ie, my New York). That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Anyway, it’s amazing all the extra SATC details you notice when you already know what’s going to happen and can ignore the clothes and plot, such as it is.

Yes, I’m talking about Carrie’s Tardis-like apartment. First of all, it makes me crazy that it’s ten feet wider inside than outside. And the entry is in a place where a stairway to connect it to the street entrance would result in eight-foot-wide apartments. As you can see in the totally unauthorized schematic below, the stairway (A) is on the right side (technically, it’s in another building according to this). Tragically, the ground floor entrance (B) is all the way on the diagonally opposed corner of the building.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

apartment layout

Wait, don’t go away! There’s more:

The hall outside the apartment. When Carrie’s apartment door (inexplicably numbered C when logically it should be E, F, 3A or 3B) is open, the landing (A) is visible from inside; sometimes it runs to the right, sometimes to the left (TV show). Sometimes it runs both ways (first movie; refer to the baby shower scene, dig the coat check). Sometimes there’s a second door on the landing (there’s no apartment number on it, no peephole, no deadbolt; is it a janitor’s closet? a trash chute? the passage to another dimension? below, left). Sometimes a bicycle is crashed into it (below, right).

outer hallway 2 views with bike

Sometimes there’s a table in the hall, blocking the second door. Sometimes the table is down the hall with a lamp on it, blocking the stairs in the building next door (below, left). Sometimes the hall has a window (below, right). So is that an exterior wall (making the building 28 feet deep — btw, not gonna happen in a NYC brownstone) or an interior wall with an apartment window overlooking a hallway (and if so, dear lord why??)?

Carrie's hallway

And why is Carrie’s door on that side of the apartment to begin with? Has the set designer never even BEEN inside a New York City brownstone? Does Carrie walk through other peoples’ apartments to get to her own, or go up the fire escape, or what?

And while we’re still stuck in the hallway to hell, what’s up with all those other people in it who weren’t buzzed in? Carrie’s got an intercom, she can vet anyone on her stoop contemplating the 86 deadbolts on her no-key/no-buzz/no-get-in building. Yet somehow rando acquaintances, delivery guys, Skipper, even Aidan’s dog FFS, appear at her third-floor apartment door, where she acts all surprised and delighted to be ambushed by them. Which btw never, ever happens in New York.

The kitchen. To the left of the refrigerator are wall shelves. Sometimes. Sometimes, no shelves. Sometimes there’s a wine rack, or a microwave, or both. Sometimes, just a bigass blank wall over the counter. Occasional kitchen shots were made by a camera in that space — remember when Aidan cooked fajitas, or Aleksandr pulverized a mouse? — so it’s really a giant hole covered with a movable wall to allow shooting from the bathroom.

Aleksandr kills a mouse

That solves one mystery, yay. But it doesn’t explain all the other shit in that kitchen that keeps changing for no reason. Like the incredible retracting wall (below):

entry hall magic wall

The bathroom. Sometimes there’s a window over the bath. Sometimes nope. Sometimes it’s big, sometimes itty bitty. And FFS why is there any window in a masonry wall between two buildings?

Sometimes there’s what looks like an air shaft window (see photo below, right) on the other side of the bathroom, which actually makes sense until you see the view (S3, E18) — of the entire roof of another building (!!!), exactly where the hallway to hell/janitor’s closet and/or another apartment should be (the part of the apartment diagram marked “Exterior walls”). Sometimes the air shaft window is inside the bathroom, other times it’s in the hallway leading to the bathroom.

Sometimes the door on the air-shaft side of the bathroom opens on the right, other times on the left.

Sometimes the bathtub has a shower and a curtain (S3, E2). Sometimes it’s just a tub with a curtain (S3, E6). Or no curtain. And then goes back to being a shower (S4, E1 and E15).

3 windows in the bath

Bonus Bathroom WTF! Carrie’s two-doored bathroom is also Miranda’s two-doored bathroom (S4, E7 and shown below). What? HBO didn’t have enough budget for one more bathroom? FFS, Big and Charlotte had their own bathrooms. And in case you were wondering, the answer to the two-doors question is No. No NYC studio apartment bathroom has ever had two doors, ever. I can’t even.

Miranda's bathroom

Miranda’s bathroom (above) and Carrie’s bathroom (below).

Fun fact! The window over the tub doubles as a peephole for a camera to capture waterlogged drama like this:

The bedroom. Sometime between the TV show and the first movie, the headboard wall shrunk four feet. Originally there was a radiator there, too, then no radiator. You’re saying Carrie just moved it, right? Seriously? Have you ever TRIED moving a cast iron steam radiator, you ignorant naïf?

Um where the radiator yo?

That pass-through closet. Sometimes it’s eight feet long. Sometimes it’s fifteen. I’m not making this up. LOOK AT IT, DAMMIT!

The addition. What’s up with that? When Carrie’s building went co-op, she and Aidan bought her apartment plus the adjoining one to make one giganto love pad (S4, E16). If Carrie’s building was a standard NYC brownstone, it would be 50 feet deep and could accommodate two Carrie-sized apartments per floor, in a front-to-back direction. But the second apartment Carrie acquired adjoined her bedroom wall (see the architecturally sketchy floor plan above — sorry, it’s the best one I found), effectively putting it in the building next door — not in Carrie’s building, even though Aidan and Carrie and Mrs. Cohen, the vacating tenant, all used the same street entrance.

After Aidan casually busted up a structural masonry wall (a NYC building code and zoning violation, btw), he busted up with Carrie. He went to camp out in the addition, where Carrie joined him by walking down a hallway that couldn’t possibly exist (beyond the janitor’s closet outside her apartment, where the apartment diagram is marked “Exterior walls”). Later she bought out Aidan’s ownership share in the property after slut-shaming Charlotte into paying for it because no bank in New York wanted it as collateral for a mortgage. And then, poof! Where did the addition go?

Aidan busts a move

The wall paint. It’s a different color every episode. Pink, yellow, grey, beige, turquoise, lavender, green. No contextual explanations, ever, except the one time Carrie painted the place (S1, E 11). The color was an off-white she called eggshell (which is a gloss level, not a color, but whatever) and was never shown onscreen. After she finished, the apartment resumed being every color on Home Depot’s oops paint shelf.

Fun Fact! Look at the colors in the photo, above left. Green walls, blue bedskirt, brown curtains, red rug. The bedspread (not shown) is purple. Only someone who’s color blind would decorate that way.

The living room. In the far left corner, as you face the front windows, sometimes there are steam pipes and a radiator. Sometimes, just the pipes. Sometimes neither. Also, the furniture is different in every episode.

The windows. Sometimes, on the inside, they’re grand mansionesque things. Sometimes they’re tenement-sized double-hung jobs. Outside they have elegant curved tops and mullions, and are just wide enough to hold a window air conditioner. Inside: flat tops, no mullions, no AC. What the hell kind of set designer thinks: The windows are 24″x48″ outside so I’ll make them 48″x72″ inside!? Yeesh. Outside the windows are two feet apart. Inside, eight feet, give or take; it varies. Sometimes the apartment has three windows inside, sometimes only two. Seriously, how many damned sets were there?

interior versus exterior windows

Fun Facts! Apparently there were at least five different Carrie’s Apartment exteriors: three on the Upper East Side, and two in the West Village. And as bad as all this is, the first Carrie’s Apartment interior (only shown in the series pilot, and below) looked like the inside of a self-storage unit.

Carrie's first apartment

Huh? Just because the exterior of Carrie’s building was both uptown and downtown and the inside was a traveling circus, that’s no excuse. I read that the Carrie’s Apartment set was on a sound stage in Los Angeles. (Caroline Farrell’s apartment in Dollhouse, located in a Fox studio in L.A., appears to be Carrie’s green apartment recycled.) I also read that it was in Long Island City. I also dimly recall reading that the original LIC set was struck and rebuilt, maybe when production moved into, or out of, the bread factory. I also understand how Carrie’s Apartment may well have comprised several separate sets at any given time, to better accommodate filming. All of which explains a lot, if not everything. But still, WTF?

Carrie and Big

Be sure to read my followup to this post, Carrie Bradshaw’s Apartment Still Drives Me Nuts!

Text Copyright © 2018 SYDNEY SCHUSTER — All Rights Reserved
Photos Copyright © 2018 HBO/Warner Bros. Television/Darren Star Productions.
Apartment layout Copyright © Iñaki Aliste Lizarralde.

My new book Connie Marsh: A Love Letter is the true story of a gifted college student stalked and murdered by a serial killer. It’s available on Amazon.

You can purchase any of my books by contacting me through the Contact form below.

Sydney Schuster and Dead Spot Books neither approved nor endorse any non-Dead Spot Books advertising that may appear here, nor do we derive any income from it. Some of it is really gross and we apologize, but the web host puts it there and we have no control over it. Try to ignore it. Thanks

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Joan Jett, The Queen of Rock ’n’ Roll, Finally Gets Crowned

joan jettThe only person happier than me that Joan Jett was inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame on April 19 — finally! — is Joan Jett. The multitasking sex goddess is WAY overdue for this accolade.

Not for nothing, but Joan is an icon. For real. I’ve been an unapologetic fan since she was a Runaway.

Like every good Joanaholic, I’d always wanted to meet her, despite that old adage about meeting your idols being a bad idea. I have to admit, having met many of mine, that it’s kind of true. Joan eluded me, but we almost met many times. Ergo, I’m at a loss for how to calculate our degrees of separation. You decide!

🎸 When I lived in the West Village, a scarily reliable source (my busybody neighbor) insisted Joan lived on the next block (Leroy Street, yo). Never saw her.
🎸 Then for three years she and I lived in the same suburban town, a few blocks apart. We even went to the same chiropractor. Somehow we never collided.
🎸 I heard the local post office there had one of her gold records. Turns out she gave it to them in appreciation for dealing with her mountains of fan mail, and they took it down during a renovation and didn’t put it back up, but I did ask them about it, and it is a thing — a thing I stood a few feet from in the dusty box where it was cavalierly abandoned by unworthy civil servants.
🎸 Then we both moved back to civilization, she to a building not far from mine that I passed six days a week — before she moved in and I moved away.
🎸 I did have one fun Joanless close encounter, when I shared a pizza at the beach with the woman whose brother co-wrote “Too Bad on Your Birthday.”

🎸 Ever the good Jettster, I’ve been to a gazillion Joan shows. I used to try to find out where she was signing autographs, but I was always too late or at the wrong place. At one show I had an in with the backline company, but all’s I got was an autographed CD from Kenny Laguna. I mean, he’s adorable and I appreciated it, but he’s not Joan.

So what’s that? Like, three degrees? Two? Whatever. We ain’t dead yet, me and Joan, so I guess it could still happen.

I sent Joan an email once, asking her for advice on designing band marketing websites because she was one of the first to have one. I received an autoreply saying something like “Joan gets an awful lot of mail, she’ll get back to you.” She never did. That was seventeen years ago, but it’s okay. Joan was likely too busy fighting the good fight to wade through terabytes of gushing emails.

If all you know about her is how she fought with the Runaways and their cretinous manager Kim Fowley and rude industry execs (she had to sell “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll” out of her car trunk after 23 record companies rejected it, and then it became No. 1 on Billboard‘s Hot 100 for 7 weeks and the number 3 song of 1982, neener neener), you’d have a pretty good idea about her scheduling issues. But Joan does USO shows and benefits, like for PETA and Farm Sanctuary. Plus she saved a 3-year-old from drowning in the ocean. I mean, how many people do all that in their spare time?

Joan Jett is a force of nature. She works incessantly. She made three platinum and gold records. In response to the “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll” brouhaha, she founded Blackheart Records in 1980, making her among the first women ever to start a record company. That very elite group includes Vivian Carter (Vee-Jay, 1953), Sylvia Robinson (Sugar Hill, 1979), Florence Greenberg (Tiara, 1958), and Estelle Axton (Stax, 1958).

Joan also produced three movies and many albums — by The Germs, Bikini Kill, Circus Lupus, The Vacancies, and L7. She toured with The Police, Queen, Aerosmith, Tom Petty, Cheap Trick, the Ramones, Motörhead, Def Leppard, Green Day, Alice Cooper, Van Halen, Heart, and The Who.

She does some other stuff, too. If you didn’t see her awesome 2014 Hall of Fame performance with the surviving members of Nirvana, you must be dead.

It would’ve been enough for me had she stuck to music. But I was just agog at her star turn in the 1987 film Light of Day. She was luminous. Geez. If you ignore the secondary plot about the annoying mother, it’s a wonderful, painfully truthful depiction of gritty bar band life in the pre-Internet Midwest, with actual musicians (Joan, Michael J. Fox, Michael McKean, Trent Reznor, Paul Harkins, Jimmie Vaughan) playing the fictional ones. The soundtrack is bangin’, natch. Paul Schrader directed it (as well as some of my other favorite edgy flicks — Cat People, Auto Focus). Schrader said of Jett: “She’s phenomenal.” If you haven’t seen Light of Day (or even if you have), do it today.

light of day cast photoMany film reviewers expressed shock that The Queen of Rock ’n’ Roll can also act, but it should come as no surprise. (Did you see her on Walker, Texas Ranger? Holy shit!) She played Columbia for over a year on Broadway in The Rocky Horror Show. For cryin’ out loud, she was a professional performer before she could legally drink. She founded The Runaways in 1975, when she was a mere 16.

Since then Joan has faithfully, unflinchingly championed the empowerment of women. The guitar, the leather, the snarl — it’s all showbiz, baby. Yeah, she’s the queen of that, too. I’ll never forget one of her concerts years ago, where a bunch of JJ wannabes were picking fistfights with each other, trying to out-Joan Joan. Their mall gear and decal tattoos were no match for Joan’s divine glam punkness and couture S&M outfits, designed by the likes of Norma Kamali in the old days and Saint Laurent today. Those stupid girls didn’t get Joan, and never would.

Joan is not mean. She’s a true pioneer. She made it possible for female rockers who followed her to actually have careers in an industry that had been a stubbornly male preserve. While clueless suburban debs were kicking each other in their tragic Riot Grrrl misinterpretation, Joan was kicking down doors for real women who totally got what she was about. And it changed everything.

At the Hall of  Fame induction ceremony, Miley Cyrus said, “all of us are going to experience people who try to tell us who to be and what to be. Fuck those people! Instead of changing for all those people, if you don’t like how the world is, change it yourself. [Joan] made the world evolve, her life and her success is proof that we can’t stop evolving.”

English translation: You da bomb, Joan! Congrats on your Hall of Fame induction. You’re my queen!

Joan Jett - The Kamali Years

Joan Jett – The Kamali Years

Text Copyright © 2015 SYDNEY SCHUSTER – All Rights Reserved
Photo 1 Copyright © Corporal Steiner / corporalsteiner.tumblr.com
Photo 2 Copyright © TriStar Pictures
Photo 3 Copyright © Getty Images
Photo 4 Copyright © TAFT Entertainment Pictures/HBO

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Connie Marsh: A Love Letter is the true story of a gifted college student stalked and murdered by a serial killer. It’s available on Amazon.

the-freemans-a-lust-story-by-sydney-schusterThe Freemans: A Lust Story, with Murder and Real Estate is the true crime saga of a staggeringly corrupt family from Queens who mugged America for a century.

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Film Review | Road to Hell

road to hell title

The Long-Awaited Film by Albert Pyun

Movie Review Copyright ©2014 Sydney Schuster – All Rights Reserved

roadtohell_IMDB.43123343You can watch Road to Hell right now! Go here:
https://roadtohelldcptheatricalfinal.vhx.tv/products/road-to-hell-2015

I watch an awful lot of movies. I own very few. One of them is Streets of Fire, the 1984 cult rock drama by Walter Hill about a mercenary soldier, Tom Cody. Another is Cyborg, the 1989 martial arts horror extravaganza by Albert Pyun starring Jean-Claude Van Damme. So when I heard years ago that Pyun was making a sequel to Streets of Fire, it stayed on my radar like gum stuck to my shoe.

I finally got to see it this week. Let me just say this: It is stunning.

Road to Hell, as it’s called, certainly lives up to its name. A largely self-financed labor of love, it was in production for five years and survived many setbacks before finally making its maiden tour of film festivals in 2012. So far it’s won three Best Picture awards: Yellow Fever (Belfast), XIII Costa del Sol Fantasy Film Festival (Spain), and the PollyGrind UnderGround Film Festival (Las Vegas, where it also scored Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress, Best Screenplay, Best Song, and Best Visual Effects). It recently began general theatrical showings. At its first screening, Road to Hell grossed enough to make Indiewire’s box office chart, and was the only independently distributed film in the bunch.

If you get the chance to see it, do not hesitate. Go! Or stream it right now. Just go here: https://roadtohelldcptheatricalfinal.vhx.tv/products/road-to-hell-2015

That said, Road to Hell is not what you’d expect. If you’re a Hill fan, keep in mind that it’s an homage, not an official sequel. If you’re a Pyun fan, you’ll love it no matter what. One viewing tip: If you never saw Streets of Fire, watch that first and you’ll appreciate Road to Hell even more. (Rent it. It’s $3 on Amazon.) For fans of both Streets of Fire and Pyun, Road to Hell is totally worth the interminable wait.

So what’s it about? Okay, first let’s review. When we last saw our hero Tom Cody (Michael Paré), it was 1984. He’d just rescued the toothsome Ellen Aim (Diane Lane) from rubber-clad kidnappers and was leaving to attend a war, apparently because he liked guns more than her. Go figure. And she was leaving their slummy ’hood, The Richmond, for rock superstardom. Fair enough.

MSDSTOF EC108

STREETS OF FIRE, Michael Pare, 1984, (c)Universal Pictures

Plotwise, Streets of Fire is your boilerplate morality play with the usual suspects. The only characters with any emotional depth are Cody and his sister Reva (Deborah Van Valkenburgh), and Cody’s tomboy sidekick McCoy, colorfully portrayed by Amy Madigan in an explosion of pent-up disappointment with life. The rest are one-dimensional, almost cartoon-like. Or as Pyun explains it, “Cody was all about Ellen and Ellen was all about Ellen.”

Why pay $3 to watch this? I hear you asking. Well, Streets of Fire has singing and dancing. It has brawls and car chases and motorcycles, and stuff exploding everywhere, and the obligatory mash scene is extra steamy. It has a huge cast of talent who became famous for doing something else. The action’s artily set against other-dimensional backdrops of garish 1950-ish tableaux mixed with 1980s hair and semiautomatic weapons.

You might guess a formula like that would never work. You’d be wrong. Not to mention the soundtrack is so bitchin, it had a life all its own. There are songs by Tom Petty, Stevie Nicks, Ry Cooder, Leiber and Stoller, Link Wray, Bob Seger, and Meat Loaf’s wife, Jim Steinman, produced by Jimmy Iovine. The Dan Hartman hit “I Can Dream About You” made Billboard‘s Top 10 chart. In 2007 Vanity Fair rated the film’s score Number 6 on its Best Soundtracks Ever list. Simply put, Streets of Fire is a pre-CG sensory feast.

A rock & roll fable, Hill called it. Others called Streets of Fire the first music video. MTV didn’t exist yet, and Hill famously said in interviews that he filmed all the concert scenes by the seat of his pants, having no precedent to follow.

“It’s cut in time with the music!” oozed viewers who never saw A Hard Day’s Night. “You can’t use my song!” snorted Bruce Springsteen when told Hill didn’t want him to sing it. “It wanted to be a comedy and it turned out to be a drama,” groused costar Rick Moranis to Empire magazine. One reviewer picked on the stars’ noses. (“…the smallest noses in show business history; perhaps this is why, when their faces meet, so little happens.” — Susan Dworkin, Ms. Magazine, August 1984)

The consensus at industry screenings was clear: Nobody got it. Streets of Fire opened anyway, the same week as Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Doom being the operative term here, box office was half what the film cost to make. ($14.5 M cost, $8 M gross.) And so Streets of Fire bombed resoundingly, thus claiming its rightful place in the pantheon of Eye Candy Rock Movies We Love, Now.

According to Hill it was to be the first in a Tom Cody screen trilogy, but when it tanked at the box office, the sequels sank with it. (Paré claimed they were abandoned because everyone involved left Universal, who owned the rights to the franchise and wouldn’t play nice.)

For three decades, Streets of Fire fans waited patiently for someone to salvage the wreckage. Albert Pyun is their Argo.

Pyun, for those who don’t know, apprenticed to Akira Kurosawa in the 1970s and debuted as a feature film director in 1982, with The Sword and the Sorcerer, one of the top-grossing indie films of all time. His 50-some movies include the horrorfests Nemesis (1992) and Infection (2005), which won best picture and best director awards at VI Semana Internacional de Cine Fantástico y de Terror de Estepona. In 2013 he received the Indie Genre Spirit Award at the Buffalo Dreams Fantastic Film Festival.

Pyun first met Paré in the 1990s. Both were making movies for Cannon Pictures then, albeit not together, and racking up industry cred — Paré was upcycling his image to action hero after a decade of mostly forgettable TV roles and romance films, while Pyun was establishing himself as a director who could quickly make profitable movies, often two at a time.

houston knights &amp; women's club 3

Michael Pare in “Houston Knights” (left) and “The Women’s Club” (right)

“We discussed the Road to Hell movie with Paré in 2007, in Spain” at a film festival, says Pyun’s longtime collaborator, Cynthia Curnan. “Albert and Michael had wanted to work together for a long time.” (The three also made Abelar: Tales of an Ancient Empire in 2008, a horror/fantasy film that looks like a Chris von Wangenheim fashion shoot came to life.)

With Pyun directing, Curnan writing and producing, and the preternaturally handsome Paré in nearly every scene, they started shooting Road to Hell in 2008. The result is more a tribute to Streets of Fire than a followup: not so much singing and dancing, way more violence and blood, all of it set against staggeringly beautiful scenery.

But that’s Pyun’s forté. Shocking visual effects, coupled with edgy dialogue by Curnan that makes you believe ordinary people can triumph in extraordinary circumstances. Like Streets of Fire, Road to Hell is way, way ahead of its time.

Much of the film’s carnage is suggested rather than shown (probably as a result of budget constraints and lost footage — I’ll get to that). There’s a lot of outside-the-letterbox mayhem and sex. Personally, I like this approach. It leaves more room for the characters to develop and the plot to run on its own wheels. A great director is one who presents stories as well as he does entrails.

I don’t want to give away too much plot here. Me, I thought I knew what to expect and still had a visceral reaction at key moments, so I’ll let some other reviewer mess up that pleasure for you.

Suffice it to say that Road to Hell didn’t win PollyGrind’s best effects award for nothing. Much like Streets of Fire, many scenes have mesmerizing other-worldly backdrops. Every color-saturated shot is carefully framed, almost like a postcard — a picture postcard from Hell.

Hell Valley, that is. That’s where we hook up with Cody again, returning from his precious war with a bad case of post traumatic stress disorder. He still has too many weapons. Hell, he is a weapon.

Having had 29 years to reconsider his earlier poor decision, he’s now on his way back to The Richmond to reconnect with the hot girlfriend who got away. Along the way he meets two new characters: Caitlin (Clare Kramer) and Ash (Courtney Peldon), a pair of fetchingly underdressed misanthropes having car trouble on Route 666.

The women are luminous and electric, even while changing a tire that’s bigger than they are, and so reprehensible it’s hard to feel sorry for them. They’re loud and pottymouthed. They kill people for fun. Caitlin thinks she’s found her soul mate in Cody.

Kramer simmers in her role. She was my favorite villain — the mean, funny, fashion-victim god Glory — in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and she makes a good baddie here. Peldon cooks, too. Her best moments come when she realizes her use-by date has expired, and she utters barely a word. It’s all on her beautiful, horrified face.

Speaking of meaningful looks, one part I was compelled to rewatch several times is the scene where Cody meets Caitlin and Ash. Look carefully. You’ll see the face of a softer, younger Cody, the one who wants to believe in love, in a pitched battle with harder, older, no-bullshit Cody who’d rather just kill. Paré’s face actually changes, then changes back. It’s more than acting (bygones, Michael) and it’s not a digital manipulation.

The technical explanation? “A camera malfunction damaged all the shots,” says Curnan. “We had to wait for technology to advance to fix them. We couldn’t afford to rotoscope each frame.” Five years after they started, they were reshooting and repairing scenes. This sequence was among them. What you see is an epic Jekyll/Hyde duel between a 40-something Paré and a 50-something Paré, duking it out for realsies.

And it’s freakin’ awesome! There isn’t a makeup artist alive who could believably achieve what Pyun accomplished here. That he arrived at it while making lemonade out of lemons is the stuff of legends.

If you don’t understand what I mean, or think I’m full of crap, or both, I refer you to 1989’s Eddie and the Cruisers II: Eddie Lives!, in which a then-30ish Paré alternated between a 20ish Eddie and a 40ish one wholly via makeup, and succeeded at neither. Clare Kramer had an alter ego in Buffy who was more believable, and he was a guy. Not for nothing, but in 1977 Luis Buñuel ingeniously used two actors (Carole Bouquet and Angela Molina) to play one character, Conchita, in That Obscure Object of Desire. No makeup magic there and no one laughed, either, at least not when they weren’t supposed to.

My point is, there are ways to do this sort of thing believably and too often it isn’t, due more to lack of imagination than budget. Film history is littered with detritus from failed id-versus-ego slapdowns. (The Curse of the Werewolf? The ShiningMary Reilly? Sybil? Anyone?) I say do it right or go home, and Pyun nails it.

Among Road to Hell’s other visual treats are the spectacular Nevada desert, subbing for purgatory here with enhancements recalling a bad acid trip (and cleverly referencing Streets of Fire‘s original artwork).

Road to Hell

Streets of Fire posterAnother thing I liked immensely is the juxtaposition of multiple timelines in the present (Cody’s, Ellen Dream’s, and Reva’s) with the Ellen Aim flashbacks. Like Hill’s crazy-quilt visual assemblage, Pyun’s present-time scenes are all different styles: a graphic novel look for Tom Cody, a cinema verité one for Ellen Dream, and a documentary feel for Reva Cody. They’re knitted artfully with the happy-fuzzy uber-romanticized memories of Ellen Aim. When they all collide at the end, you know exactly where you are.

Anyway, Van Valkenburgh reliably reprises the role of Reva. She does a fine job of tethering the day-glo present to a noir past necessarily relegated to viewer memory. It’s good to see her again. Ellen Aim is played by the sexy Anita Leeman. Other characters from Streets of Fire are mentioned but never shown at all (except for Cody’s sidekick McCoy and arch enemy Raven, briefly and gorily). As always, Brick Bardo (Scott Paulin) is in the mix, too.

Michael Paré of course plays Tom Cody. Michael Paré rocks Tom Cody. It’s impossible to imagine anyone else in that role, ever. If there’s ever a sequel to the sequel, they’ll just have to wheel Paré out and let him gum the scenery. That’s how much he owns the part.

The Cody in Road to Hell is disillusioned and surly, seeking some type of redemption while questioning whether he even deserves it. He’s so discombobulated, he even toys with the idea of badgirl Caitlin as a viable alternative to Ellen, I guess in case his childhood sweetheart who’s probably an altacocker now doesn’t work out. Caitlin’s hot. She’s there. She gives MRE new meaning. So what if she’s depraved?

Granted, it’s a lot of story packed into a compact space and I’ve only told you half of it, like I promised I wouldn’t. Pyun and Curnan cleverly manage to convey all this in terms of biblical allegory. Don’t worry. It’s fun, not preachy.

The unique concept gives an interesting spin to a plot that, in the hands of lesser storytellers, could easily be not so special. I dare you not to love the backstory exposition humorously offered by Gabriel, of all people — yes, the archangel given the unenviable job of telling the Virgin Mary that the rabbit died. Joei Fulco plays the part — yes, she’s a woman. Instead of a horn, this Gabriel wields a mean guitar and modern slang. Her mission: Snatch Cody from the jaws of hell. Woot!

One of many other scripty things Curnan does especially well is sandwich very funny quips in between body blows. Consider this one, delivered ominously by a grinning, up-to-no-good Cody: “I’ve hunted up here. I hunt wabbit. The two-legged breed.” And this, blurted by Ellen Aim’s eternally disappointed daughter (Roxy Gunn) during a confrontation about to turn postal: “I needed you my whole life, asshole!”

Streets of Fire fans will delight in the strategic reuse of signature lines throughout Road to Hell. There are slick cross references, too: a flat tire that changes everything; OTT bondage; Ellen suffers idiotic fan questions about her creative process. Her band sports the same name as Torchie’s band, the Blasters. Cody coldcocks chicks. He even mentions his “dark side,” a sly wink at another Paré cult musical, Eddie and the Cruisers.

Much to the relief of everyone except Springsteen, there’s finally an actual song called “Streets of Fire,” written for the movie by musical director Tony Riparetti and sung the hell out of by Fulco. The whole score is quite good. Two Jim Steinman songs from Streets of Fire were dusted off and performed again, this time by Gunn, and arguably better: “Nowhere Fast” and “Tonight Is What It Means to Be Young.” Gunn is a guitarist and vocalist who wrote and performed many of the film’s excellent tunes. Vegas Rocks! Magazine called Road to Hell “one of the best music-driven films of the year.”

I love Pyun’s willingness to take big chances on relative unknowns, a kind of artistic bravura that really pays off here. Newcomers Fulco and Gunn pull double duty supplying both pipes and pivotal character portrayals, and never miss a beat. Fulco, amazingly, is only about 15 here and has since moved on to leading roles in feature films. She’s going to be a huge star. Quadruple-threat Gunn also has a big career ahead. Her band The Roxy Gunn Project is a favorite on Vegas stages, with a rapidly growing fan base. Both Fulco’s and Gunn’s lungs should be gilded and enshrined in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Best of all, Road to Hell has a twist ending you’ll never expect. I foresee it winning a lot more awards. And fans. Go see it. You’re welcome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-Eww-b8gvg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZhqjpSWdrE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ru-wTwSTwb8
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Road to Hell on IMDB

Hey! Do you want to WATCH Road to Hell? YOU KNOW YOU DO! You can stream it right now. Just go here: https://roadtohelldcptheatricalfinal.vhx.tv/products/road-to-hell-2015

Want to be a partner in Albert Pyun’s latest feature film project? Donate to his Gofundme for Bad Ass Angels and Demons. It’s easy, and every donation counts!

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Content of this blog except where otherwise noted Copyright ©2014 SYDNEY SCHUSTER – All Rights Reserved.
Road to Hell material Copyright ©2014 Albert Pyun Movies and Curnan Pictures ★ Images used with permission
Streets of Fire photo of Michael Paré and film poster art © RKO Universal Pictures

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